Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my uncle gave me a lecture on how I eat too much "unhealthy" junk food, and that it can be very harmful for me. All the while smoking a cigarette. FML
Today, my parents have smoked for most of their lives and are both healthy as horses. Meanwhile, I smoked for two years, then went through hell quitting, and just had my first asthma attack and was lectured about "long term effects of tobacco, even after cessation." THIS IS BULLSHIT! FML
Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML
Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "After I eat" or maybe even "When I'm tired." What I got was "Every second since you were born." FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML
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Top comments
OrgasmicBunnies 9
thats pretty stupid.... I think she needs help.
badmandilon 19
She loves you to death!
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Comments (214)
thrashdu2002 5
i work in big tobacco. i wouldnt start
paulapogo1995 0
lmaooo thats funny and I think you're mom needs help
nickbucci1252 0
what's wrong with her
suri23 11
Actually, nicotine does help you lose weight, & that's why scientists are working on nicotine analogs to replace cigarettes. Just sayin'
Blue87 4
stupid bitch. y don't she start smoking.
mylifepwnz 0
wow. just wow
evilteddybear 0
hey she's right, when you're dead your bones will only weigh like 1lb
butterflyz1961 2
I guess she didn't get the memo that parent's are supposed to STOP their kids from smoking.
spacemonkey420 0
lucky
emeraldchicky 0
That's so stupid... Even second hand smoke is bad, but directly filling your lungs with smoke is idiotic. Every time I see some one smoking, all I think is, "you're going to kill yourself." ... and she called you fat. FYL.