Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
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Top comments
TheFlyingMan 8
I bet she's pretty good.
Asoka_fml_fml 0
you should've said "mom said your dicks small"
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Comments (88)
letsbombbritain 0
it's mom u ******* prick
UofLCardFan08 6
Dude, not everyon says 'mom' across the world. Don't be a d-bag.
killedmyteacher 0
I don't have to be told how "good" my parents are. I hear how good they are all night, and morning.
jdog1231 0
lol
aswan15 0
You do know you spell mOm with an O
KailyKii 11
In some places it's spelt MUM. Australia, New Zealand ect.
henry214365 4
Lawl
ack62 2
Jim's dad!
xHexIsxMyxLifex 0
That's awkward!
hiattebrittany 0
Can you say scared for life!
subiedude08 17
Awwwkkkkwwwaaarrrddd
emilytheperson 17
Oh god...