Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
It takes approximately 0.285 seconds to realise that "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye is the best mood music ever. EVER.
shireman97 6
That's some odd foreplay
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
Meettitan 14
Whitechapel. Nuff said.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Tell him to choose something dubstep; he can thrust along with all the wubs. And break your pelvis.
a_commenter 3
Are you sure he isn't trying to tell you something?
absolutegrrr 7
I prefer cashews.
damnu 3
Kiss - Lick it up Betty Blowtorch -Shut up and **** Steel Panther - Let me cum in
bronsrawr 1
Let's do this, I'm a cashew!
Bodzy81 4
Maybe he just finished petting the dragon and need a distraction to pass time. "Mr.Conway Twitty ladies and gentlemen" Aaaaaaa family guy....... anyone?
Boygenius50 8
"Hey Stud ;)"
French_Toast_fml 3
Easy. Put on The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang.
lidsthesquid 4
I think some Queen maybe? Bohemian rhapsody?