Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
In fairness, on the planet your boyfriend hails from, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy" is an extremely eloquent phase used to court royalty. He must think very highly of you.
faeryofshalott 25
He's either stupidly horny right now or he has no idea what turns you on. I'm guessing that it's option b. Maybe it would be be beneficial for both of you if you took a few days to teach him what turns you on and what turns you off.
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Comments (110)
AScooterman 12
It's not like you didn't know who you were dating.
anonymoussqueak 16
yeah, I see why you wouldn't be horny after reading that.
fyvaprold 11
So...did he kill your cat?
lloydgan 6
sounds like you are too picky. his words should matter less then his intention. his intention was to do exactly what you wanted him to do to you. superficial much...
doemetoch 28
Yeah, except that that's not how sexual excitation works.
moocowmilk0 19
is he 12?
callsign_banana 19
It was the :D face, wasn't it?
Goblin182 27
Don't you love it when guys whisper sweet nothings in your ear?
thearronaut 10
No matter how well he meant it, it still comes across as a violent threat. I'm sure the boyfriend meant for everybody to have a grand old time, but for some odd reason, a promise to 'murder' her pussy just isn't much of a turn-on.
danman89 3
yea he definitely could have chosen his words better.it could be tho maybe since you dont put out enough he had all that bottled in.better fix that before he finds someone that is willing to do it a little more often
shinikageWolf 15
"Not if my pussy murders your dick first"