Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML
Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
In fairness, on the planet your boyfriend hails from, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy" is an extremely eloquent phase used to court royalty. He must think very highly of you.
faeryofshalott 25
He's either stupidly horny right now or he has no idea what turns you on. I'm guessing that it's option b. Maybe it would be be beneficial for both of you if you took a few days to teach him what turns you on and what turns you off.
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Comments (110)
WOTAN1488 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What's wrong here?
tin_cup 27
Guys. They have a way with words, don't they?
Dat_Apz 6
My girlfriend loves when I talk dirty to her like this. It's manly! Not every bedroom session has to be slow and sensual. You pretty much texted him "I want the D." So naturally he'd respond "girl, you're gonna get this dick in spades." If him being sexually aggressive is bothersome, a talk is definitely required.
teentee401 37
Some people prefer "slow and sensual."
Chloe555_fml 27
...and some like rough and nasty! *raises hand emphatically*
leogachi 15
@18 I can't speak for Op, but in my opinion I don't think him being sexually aggressive is necessarily the problem here. I'm pretty sure his choice of phrase is the problem.
9a_1z 12
I can sympathise with the OP, even if the 'sexually aggressive' tone of the text didn't bother me, the sounding like it was written by a 15 year old would.
TheAnon1313 28
59, it could very well have been written by a 15 year old, to be honest. The only people I know who speak that way are generally in their second year of highschool... and a lot of people are sexually active that young...
the_real_dvd 21
You don't always have to **** her hard In fact sometimes that's not right to do Sometimes you've got to make some love And ******* give her some smoochies too Sometimes ya got to squeeze Sometimes you've got to say please Sometime you've got to say hey I'm gonna **** you softly I'm gonna screw you gently I'm gonna hump you sweetly I'm gonna ball you discreetly And then you say hey I bought you flowers And then you say wait a minute sally I think I got somethin in my teeth Could you get it out for me That's ******* teamwork What's your fave posish? That's cool with me It's not my favorite But I'll do it for you What's your favorite dish? I'm not gonna cook it But I'll order it from Zanzibar And then I'm gonna love you completely And then I'll ******* **** you discreetly And then I'll ******* bone you completely But then I'm gonna **** you hard "**** her gently" - tenacious D
Daelynn_17 19
#18 I wish I could like your comment 1,000 times. You said it right. Not all bedroom talk has to be slow and sensual. Sometimes, I like it Rough. Just a difference of opinion.
Logical07 16
#18 Couldn't agree more.
saricaste 21
I don't think the problem is with it being sexually aggressive. I think the issue is the awful spelling, not to mention that "murdering a pussy" does not sound pleasant at all. Also, you can't murder something that isn't alive, so I would have my doubts about the boyfriend's intellectual capacities.
alexthevaultgirl 13
Wow poor guy deserve a girl that gives something real physical affection. Poor guy.
the_real_dvd 21
Not sure why you're getting downvotes. I guess most people think it's all about the girl, but yeah, the guy deserves a happy healthy sex life and she's obviously not in the position to provide it.
DoomedGemini 38
For some, saying things like that might be a turn on. Just explain for you, it's a complete turn off. Communication is important.
spicyburrito 18
licorice and avocados can boost your sex drive. Just ask your mom about last night
Timmip12 9
That was pretty weak... Just like your mom last night jk I kid I kid
PhoenixChick 26
Wow, what a smooth talker.
sunflower_seal 17
Instead next time of informing him , surprise him. Honestly though maybe you need a different guy who can turn you on , if someone doesn't do it for you , you have every right to find a person you are fully attracted to.
infinitemonkey 21
I think I see your problem...
MamaChey 24
Don't you just LOVE IT when people try to medically &/IRR psychology diagnose the poster on the EFFING FML SITE (ahem...#21, #28, & #30...HEELLLLO! I'm talking to you!).