Ding dong

The growth

Today, I discovered an open wound right above my penis. I can’t put a Bandaid on it because the hair down there repels it. There’s something repulsive about seeing something like that on your own body, especially when you just want to jerk off. FML

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

Bailed out

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

Clean up

Today, I realized that my lack of body hygiene reached a new high when I discovered a pimple growing on my penis, which I now know is genital acne. It hurts to sit down or touch my penis in any way. The worst part is that I am only thirteen. FML

Today, I popped a zit that had formed around an ingrown hair "down there". It popped with so much force, the pus hit me in the forehead. Still can't get the hair out. FML

WTF is this fresh hell?

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang. I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

Dave, don't stick your knob in beehives!

Today, I got stung by a bee on the tip top of my penis. No one understands why I am limping. FML