Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
She meant when are you due for a heart attack. Tell her, "Before I'm 50," shove a banana up her ass and keel over from the excitement.
kmfyr 0
Should've said you were doing an experiment in male pregnancy. o_O
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Comments (142)
fireandice27 0
She was probably high/drunk. I work on checkout at a supermarket and the number of people who come through that are under the influence is really quite astounding haha
fakemylife 2
Today, while shopping for some beer at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my banana. FML
Zoockey 5
Subtle way of granny to tell it's time to diet :)
Nocturnal558 0
FYL! Beer belly's are ftw tho
pegs_fml 0
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL best one yet
Prawn_fml 2
That's sick. Who'd want a total stranger to come up and rub their stomach? Friggin' old people.
jellybean93 0
that is so awkward. a random stranger coming up to you to rub your belly even if you were a pregnant woman is not ok
Laurasian 0
It happens all the time. When I was pregnant, people did it to me even if I really tried to weasel away. Sometimes I told people I wasn't pregnant. One time a lady asked me what I was hoping for and I told her I really wanted a pony. It was awkward at first, but it really got to be pretty fun.
dria1689 0
LMAO sounds like something I would dp.
Wet_Dream 0
fatty! go exercise!
iwaspeedon 0
I hate old people.
nemo3590 0
It always kind of freaks me out when people do this. If I were a pregnant female, I would consider it the epitome of rudeness for people to place their grubby little hands on my belly and ask me how far along I am. I would never do that to another person, especially a stranger. One exception might be if it's my baby. How does being pregnant give complete strangers (or anyone else) permission to come up and touch you? It's creepy, and I would go off on anyone who did it to me (You know, if I were a pregnant female.) FYL, man. That sucks.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Yep, I think it would annoy the hell out of me if I couldn't go anywhere without people rubbing my stomach. I think if I were pregnant I'd wear massive sweatshirts all the time. ^^