Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Today, while at a family baby shower, my grandfather thought it would be funny to inform me, in front of everyone, that I had gotten fat. I'm 7 months pregnant and the baby shower was for me. FML
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. She said I could use it as an opportunity to “trim down.” I’m 130lbs and muscular. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
The funny part is that your daughter is 27.
DocBastard 40
You "apparently" need to lose weight? Here's some free medical advice - if you can't see your feet, you're either pregnant or obese. Since you aren't pregnant, do the math.
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Comments (93)
TheAlchemist22 9
Oh my gosh, that's terrible!
ruabadfishtoo 0
orly?
__Robin__x 6
I actually thought it was pretty funny
MichellinMan 20
what's really interesting is that we don't know how old she was.
TwitchingNebula 17
That's cute but fyl lol
FarSide 23
Did you backhand the little ******?
perdix 31
The funny part is that your daughter is 27.
lexeous 4
What?
mhopper 13
The FML doesn't specify the daughter's age. We don't know that it was a child. Well played, Perdix.
perdix 31
The daughter's age is unknown. This event provides a chuckle if the kid is 5 or 6 years old, but it's ******* hilarious if she's a grown woman!
happyday123_321 2
15 and 21.... It is quite obvious that Perdix is joking in the original comment.
MizzErikaHart 8
It's quite obvious 21 knew that...
2oc 5
It's quite obvious that... I don't actually have a statement, i just wanted to join in on saying '"it's quite obvious that".
JoeParris 1
It's quite obvious I have no clue what we are talking about :/
perdix 31
It's quite obvious that a slight majority of thumbers don't like my comment :'(
Epsilonyx 15
I do :D made me chuckle a good bit lol
cswens25 8
It's quite obvious nobody gives a **** about what is and isn't quite obvious, or everyone wouldn't be confused as shit right now.
perdix 31
It's quite obvious that people like my comments about my comment more than my comment. :D
airforce987 20
It's quite obvious that C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!
ineslovescats 5
It's quite obvious that everyone likes to say "it's quite obvious"
perdix 31
What's not obvious is that if you point out that people prefer your comments about your comments to you comments, they sometimes reconsider your comment and decide they like your comment as well as your comments about your comments. It's a great day when you can learn a counter-intuitive fact!
FMLKitten 15
78- Thank you, perdix, for leaving me absolutely and completely confused. Or maybe I'm just an idiot.... Who knows? Edit: OH! I understand now!
terrible_things 1
It's quite obvious that dis guy needs a gym membership
karencitaa 4
Awww, I bet you're daughter is adorable
niall92 6
that depends on how old she is
aznmuffin44 12
your*
tylerbro 3
40- go kill urself
maosquare 18
47 - yourself
karencitaa 4
So now you think you're cool by correcting me? Cool story bro.
biggestfan23 11
For her sake OP, lose some weight
TourettesGuyFTW 26
And the same of your unborn son... ;)
sasha_is_my_name 5
What is OP?...
jacsoccerdude3 10
OP stands for a lot of things. (an adjective that starts with an O) (a noun that ends in a P). But in this case it stands for ovarian pain.
Sexy_Kisses14 8
Op means Original Poster. :)
Rectumended 3
70- oblivious pinching
FMLKitten 15
70- Ostrich penis.
Palirose 22
I used to do that to my father all the time as a kid, it's not a big deal. However if you're that worried about it, there are many methods to losing belly fat. Good Luck OP.
egc573 40
Did you loudly announce it in public? Because even for a kid that would be pretty rude.
Palirose 22
Yeah I did, but my dad used to joke about himself all the time and say it himself, :P my dad was indeed a very cool guy. ^_^ everyone's humor is different, but as I put it earlier that if op finds his belly to be a major issue there are many natural safe methods in taking care of it. :P it's never too late to take care of yourself.
princessbeckyy 4
Well now
Bluekaren16 19
Hey now. *Howard Stern voice.
HooyoMacaan 7
Children are very honest because of their innocence. Hopefully you didn't take it to the heart. Regardless too much belly fat is harmful, use it as motivation. :)
AussieChild 22
.
Bluekaren16 19
Children just can't resist poking fun at their father's pot belly.
leilaostara 1
Who says it was a child?
musicluvr2000 11
So you're telling me OP isn't going to have a little brother!!!!!!! :O
DocBastard 40
You "apparently" need to lose weight? Here's some free medical advice - if you can't see your feet, you're either pregnant or obese. Since you aren't pregnant, do the math.
yummylicious 5
That was rather rude
007type 26
^^ Maybe that hit close to home.... :P
purplemnm 9
He's a doctor. People would die if he didn't hand them the brutal truth.
Grimmerie 31
I can see my feet! I'm so glad, I was terrified I might be pregnant.
Psych101 9
13- That's like saying it's rude for a doctor to tell his/her patient that they are anorexic. Weight can be a serious problem, and it is definitely one the OP should work on.
smokebluntzz420 1
doctor or not that comments still pretty rude even if its true. theres a nice way to word things and a dickish way also i cant see my feet and im nowhere near obese just have really big boobs so thats what i see when i look down. no belly and no feet lol
Psych101 9
36- A lot of times they have to be rude in order for their point to really stick. They are trying to force the patient to actually be aware of the problem and solve it, instead of just waving it off.
smokebluntzz420 1
38- being rude doesnt necessarily make a better point than being at least somewhat nice abt it and as i stated above not being able to see ur feet doesnt always mean obese or pregnant. thats the part i find offensive. also there is a difference between overweight and obese. perhaps the op just has a little extra belly fat that dont make him obese. besides kids say crazy things anyway so maybe he isnt that fat
SqueakyChipmunk 22
10) either that, or you have some huge ******* breasts. Or you're blind.
WickedWolf 11
What are you even talking about? If you can't see your feet you certainly ARE either fat or pregnant.
dashizam 10
I'm in eighth grade and the majority of my grade is 60-80 pounds. It's just wrong. So, I have always considered myself fat and ugly. Happily, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am just average and curvy. The daughter, if she's young, could just be making comparisons.
cswens25 8
Spoken like a true fat ****. Im willing to bet if you looked below those gigantic ****** boobs there is a shitload of fat, which tends to be the case in my experience, and you just refuse to see it because you don't want to. Go smoke another blunt and ravage another ****** bag of cheetos you disgusting ****** dough body.
DocBastard 40
smokebluntzz420 - I'm not sure how seriously I should take someone with the username "smokebluntzz420". That aside, if you're honestly offended by what I said, then you should stick around and wait until I say something REALLY offensive. I don't think my comment was rude at all. Perhaps it was just a little blunt. Pun intended. Either that or just search for Perdix's comments. They're pretty much all offensive.
KiddNYC1O 22
13- What else do you expect from a bastard.
Sexy_Kisses14 8
Or u have realllllly big boobies ^_^
leilaostara 1
What if it's a woman with big ****?
leilaostara 1
Darn, I got beaten to it.
AKGirlinSD 20
Thanks, Doc. When I was bigger, I used to do what you explain about if I should lose weight or not. I needed to and did.
mrnuleef 7
The doc did say FREE medical advice. He did that out of the kindness of his heart! Well now you know who to NOT give freebies too! The nerve of some people!
saIty 17
You're a seahorse!