Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
She meant when are you due for a heart attack. Tell her, "Before I'm 50," shove a banana up her ass and keel over from the excitement.
kmfyr 0
Should've said you were doing an experiment in male pregnancy. o_O
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Comments (142)
GeneralB 0
Lol there was a commercial like that
Ajjas013 6
Beer is bad for the baby.
kmi123pink 0
Hahahaahahahah you made my day OP
uhazsquiads 0
LOL at 21
dcait_1196 0
Ouchh.
alshclown 0
you should have said in the deepest voice you could muster "november" and then rub your belly
metakingt 0
So you're not having a baby? =/
Starchild21 3
I got a gift for his baby shower too :( _________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
kmfyr 0
Should've said you were doing an experiment in male pregnancy. o_O
Asstazztic 8
Yea YDI for drinking so much 4th?
Ret_fml 0
Counting fail, and it looks like someone watched 'Couples Retreat' recently, eh? Actually not a bad movie, I liked it. ;D To OP: Stop wearing make up and maybe you'll look less feminine. ;) Or maybe the old lady just needs new glasses. Too many assumptions to be made here, but I'm feeling nice so I'll probably have to say FYL. Some people just really do have trouble looking like their proper gender.
mdv95 0
first!
dcait_1196 0
uhhh no.. 6th.
alleyes 0
ahhh...FAIL!!!
KatieGoesRawrr 0
sorry, your 6th
ItalianFilipino 0
1st !! naw just kidding I have a life :) but anyways thanks for making my day OP XD
CherryBombb 0
sorry hun, your 5 minutes late. better luck next time. (:
PackardBell_fml 19
#60, his 6th what?
TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0
YDI for drinking too much not an fml, could of been prevented
mushoo_fml 0
Could HAVE been prevented.
Emilyinroom483 7
Mushoo... Thank you.
bobateme 0
mooshoo... My thoughts exactly.
alleyes 0
YDI get a hair cut, drink less and/or excercise, and dont kid us about shoping in the fruit section. We know beter
Intoxicunt 6
He was buying BANANAS. I think he is really a lonely woman... So lonely she resorts to fruit.
Starchild21 3
He should have resorted to vegetables! Cucumbers might help, and if he leaves it in long enough it might pickle :P ___________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Intoxicunt 6
You know how your hands get wrinkly and start peeling if you leave them in water for too long? Yeah, that's how her ****** would be.
Mikuo 0
wtf? where did my comment go?
Starchild21 3
you should write an FML about your comments disappearing! _____________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
alleyes 0
FML new nobody would want to read yours
Starchild21 3
What? __________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Bananaaa_fml 0
wat does new nobody mean? :P
alleyes 0
ahh, typo, my bad....i meant "Knew" nobody
Bananaaa_fml 0
i still dont get wat you mean though, oh well
alleyes 0
it was a failed attempt on my part to say that the FML website thought that the comment was so boaring and lame that nobody would want to read it. So, they automatically threw it out. and that would explain where the comment went.
Bananaaa_fml 0
oooohhh hahahaahaha shame, they cant do that rite?
alleyes 0
lmao, im pretty sure all they do is moderate the abusive stuff, but even that is after the post is already up.
Bananaaa_fml 0
ahahaha im a dick head :P
aaaaa2p 0
1st!
nypd613 0
WTF
smartalek 2
13th stupid