Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
She meant when are you due for a heart attack. Tell her, "Before I'm 50," shove a banana up her ass and keel over from the excitement.
kmfyr 0
Should've said you were doing an experiment in male pregnancy. o_O
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Comments (142)
Devyn333 16
cut your hair and get fit.
rosierosierosie 0
ew do people really go and feel random pregnant women up? that is really disturbing.
sportygal85 0
Now you know how women feel when their pregnant and everyone wants to touch our bellies... and, maybe it's time to cut back on beer...
ijrnelson 0
that is brilliant! top 5 fml. gotta laugh at yourself rather than cry - could always just cut out chocolate and soda from diet!
sara_no_H 0
ydi for having a beer belly. it's called a gym. use it.
foryoublue94 0
Oh man I love bananas.
Guitarist45 0
just grow a beard and go to the gym a couple times a week. problems solved....
penisface69 17
ydi for being fat.
EveryDayJackAss 0
Ladies and Gentlemen, i have just loled
begeru 0
Just ask when the old lady is going to have her funeral and call it even.