Delusional
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, at the grocery store, I saw a woman rubbing her belly lovingly and said, “Aw, congratulations!” She replied, “On what?” There was no baby. Just bread. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
She meant when are you due for a heart attack. Tell her, "Before I'm 50," shove a banana up her ass and keel over from the excitement.
kmfyr 0
Should've said you were doing an experiment in male pregnancy. o_O
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (142)
perdix 31
She meant when are you due for a heart attack. Tell her, "Before I'm 50," shove a banana up her ass and keel over from the excitement.
Intoxicunt 6
Biggest win in a week. =)
TheLetterZero 7
If that's a win, I'd hate to see a fail. Guess #13 wins as well, by that logic.
123sploosh 0
this is NOT A WIN
fireandice27 0
Ahaha yeah I'm struggling to find the win in that sentence too
perdix 31
fireandice, your profile says you are studying medicine and you don't like that "due for a heart attack" line. That makes me sad. :(
EpicNguyen 0
It also says he's Australian, so taking him seriously might not be the smartest thing you could do.
Bananaaa_fml 0
lol r u dising Australians?? lol :D
Witchcraft_fml 5
Perdix always wins.
Bananaaa_fml 0
LMAO this is Hilarious ahahahaha by the way, why were you shopping for me??
aghoogha 0
I think you should grabbed her hand and made her rub your **** .
lainzilla 14
Man I see no reason to be upset about that if you're a guy. That's funny. :(
Scrantoncity 0
i predict the next fml to be about some girl not getting any action. but her family is.
DameGreyWulf 1
She just randomly came up and rubbed you? That's inappropriate even if you were a pregnant woman.
Bananaaa_fml 0
he enjoyed it :D
Starchild21 3
Uh oh the PC police _____________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
DameGreyWulf 1
Privacy Conduct? 'Cause seriously, if a random old lady touched me (like that; if she bumped into me I don't care), I'd freak shit.
Starchild21 3
While I can understand the awkwardness to the situation, what the lady was doing is innocent in nature. ________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Six_and_the_Moon 3
@ 63 Not really. Touching someone without their permission is not innocent just because the toucher deems it such. If any one did that to me - old ladies included - they would likely get clocked in the face. Personal boundaries and so on. Some people don't like being fondled by strangers. On a side note, even if the OP was a woman, this would still irk me (though I am aware the old lady may have simply been a smartass). I've known so many women (of normal, healthy weights) who have had random people ask them if they were pregnant when they were just going about their business. Unless a woman looks like triplets could fall out of her crotch any time and she is shopping for formula and baby clothes, it's rude to assume she is pregnant and ask such things. I'm amazed how little common sense some people seem to have, especially when it is no secret that the majority of women nowadays have body and self esteem issues. I'd be tempted to ask the old lady when she's due for her funeral. But only as an innocent inquiry. ;)
Starchild21 3
Ok I understand that everyone is entitled to their own idea of personal boundaries, but why take the innocence of an old lady as a deliberate attempt to spite you? Like seriously would you clock an old woman that came to look at your baby in the carriage because she "invaded my personal boundary"??? Unreal ______________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
Six_and_the_Moon 3
She wan't looking, she was touching. Huge difference. As for clocking a granny ... that would not be a voluntary reaction. Come up to me and touch me uninvited when I am not expecting it, and you get what you get. Reflexive reactions happen before you have time to process 'oh it's just the innocence of an old lady'. It all depends on the approach (i.e from the front/periphery/back). If I'm standing in a supermarket looking at bananas and suddenly there is a hand on me, reflexes are going to kick in no matter who it is. That's life.
Starchild21 3
What's your point? I mean I understand the look but don't touch aspect when it comes to peers, but the chick is a granny or whatever, it's completely innocent in every aspect. And to bring reflex into it, that depends on perspective. The guy obviously didn't reflex and neither would I. does innocence have any definition to you? _________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
DameGreyWulf 1
Starry, m'boy, let me tell you a little something... My grandmother works at a nursing home. There are some young nurses there. There is a man in his 80s there. The man in his 80s would frequently grope the young nurses. They allowed him to because of this "innocence" you're talking about ("He's old - he has no idea what he's doing/doesn't know he's doing wrong."). He tried it on my grandmother. She royally bitched him out. He stopped. Turns out, he was 100% aware he was being inappropriate; he was not senile at all. He was a pervert. Not saying granny's a pervert, no, of course not, but just letting people touch you because of their supposed "innocence" is not okay. You just don't touch people you don't know. That's stuff you learn in childhood. In fact, how often are kids reprimanded for touching people inappropriately? Quite a lot! They're innocent (usually), but that doesn't mean it's not inappropriate or that they should be allowed. And the lady /rubbed his belly/. It's not like she come up and patted his back/shoulder. And, yeah, Six has a point in that it's just rude to randomly ask about pregnancy unless it's blatantly obvious (or if you're a doctor). Just doesn't feel good at all... or, at least I would suppose.
allie2590 31
Agreed, yet some people seem to think it's their god-given right.
midnight21 8
Thank you. Just thank you. ^
bosshaug 0
43? Get off of fml and support your family
1goodthing 0
real or fake.. this is how FMLs were intended!!
Superawesomestev 0
your awesome! win!
Desmonard 0
Even if you're fat, you must have some massive man-boobs and a really girly hairstyle to be considered a pregnant woman.
Bananaaa_fml 0
mabey this old lady had bad eye sight??
tinkchic4life 0
thats what i was thimking. but think of this as motivation to lose the beer belly i guess