Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were using our Skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm slightly curious if your dad was not at least a tad impressed. I mean, who wouldn't want that ability??
MaliciousMel 1
I'm not sure if I should click Your Life Sucks or You Deserved it, but either way, this is beautiful.
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Comments (157)
holeyman 8
I wish I could do that! I'd never leave my house!
ebonyirony 29
Lol that shit turns me on. That way I don't have to do it.
zimripple 8
Are you saying that you would prefer your potential bf sucking his own dick rather then you blowing him? And that you would enjoy watching? Da fuq...
ebonyirony 29
It's called a fetish. It's really not my fault it turns me on. If my current bf tried it himself and managed to, well my body will react in kind. (he can't tho) It's like how some people like feet or lacy lingerie. Sorry it's weird. I get off to autofellatio. It's not a big deal
The_Weirdo 10
Yeah, I don't like the idea of putting my face up against someones genitals, so if they really wanted oral, it would be best for me if they could give it to themselves. I would rather have regular sex honestly. Oh course, in this case it would be my girlfriend eating herself out instead of someone sucking themselves off.
zimripple 8
Understandable I guess. I'd be afraid he was like half gay or something if he liked doing that to himself though. I don't even like kissing my gf after she goes down on me until she uses mouthwash.
Shrike 24
"Half gay"?? Did you mean "bisexual" by any chance? Does giving yourself a handjob by masturbating count too?
Zdoggg 4
Probably meant of questionable sexuallity. Maybe leaning towards the other side of the fence. Masturbation is different. Everyone does that. It's normal. However I think you would have to be not entirely straight if your a guy who likes dick in their mouth.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
37- It's your own genitals. Why do you have an issue with them? I mean, I understand not wanting to kiss her after she had her mouth on another man's genitals. But that's your own flesh.
piff7 14
I totally agree with you. I mean a lot of people don't particularly like kissing after going down on their bf/gf. I'm the same with the whole mouthwash concept. Although I am a girl so I think that makes it even worse....
TheDrudgeChild 4
46 - so its only "half gay" if you have your own dick in your mouth compared to having it in your hand? Uh oh, since you don't wanna give a man a hand job, you better stop masturbating since that's the logic you employ. Autofellatio is masturbation. Deal with it.
Dracoboxer357 36
66- Agreed. I've never had my own penis in my mouth, (or anyone else's penis might I add), but like virtually all other men out there, I have had it in my hand for sexual reasons, many, many times. I have a high sex drive, it feels good, and it's free. I don't see how pleasuring yourself is gay whether it's your own hand, mouth, toes, or whatever. To each their own, I guess. :P
glittercookies 12
Clean sex is boring sex.
Dracoboxer357 36
Sorry, Op, but you totally deserved that one! Honestly, what did you think would happen if you called his bluff? He'd either do it, as you clearly saw, or he'd try and fail, and you're still watching some guy straining to blow himself. I'm thinking you asked to see it, because either way, you wanted to. ;) Cheers!
t_raw1234 11
Haha he would have to be very flexible, but YDI for asking him to do it.
littlemsweirdo 12
Ah, the things you see on omegle ! (:
oorahdevildog 5
Amen to that
kenbarbz72 0
This FML has inspired me to try and suck my own dick.
Dracoboxer357 36
25- All the power to you if you succeed. :P
bjf10 22
I anticipate this will result in at least one new FML...
TheDrudgeChild 4
Hey, one in 400 men can do it! Let's hope you're lucky!
RedPillSucks 33
This would be funnier if #25 was actually female.
Doortje 30
I so hoped OP would be a guy xD That would make the whole thing even funnier. But alas..
Malevolent_Bunny 0
Now I can't help but think of the Mastercard ad: Internet connection:$30 Webcam: $50 Catching your older brother enjoying autofellatio on camera as revenge for years of wet willies and noogies? Priceless!
gracehi 33
Am I the only one who thought of "Clerks" when reading this FML? "So he did it..."
bjf10 22
"Yeah, but at what a price..."
Blahblah9921 4
man thts sad
xpaulatanx 10
That's insane. I'm hoping your dad didn't yell at you for that.