Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML
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Top comments
lionheart822 13
Just order everything on the menu. They can't force you to eat it and its sweet revenge.
ghostanimal 8
Wow. My dad's done that to me before. You can always go after your colonoscopy. :)
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Comments (68)
Vidrill 22
It is unclear how old OP is, but I don't get why he didn't just stay at home, since he knew he would be tempted by the food. When I had a serious reason not to go somewhere, I never let my parents drag me there.
kiaora_fml 11
You should of ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu and made him pay for it, he might be less likely to screw around with you in the future
jasin13 5
You were a moron to go.
Xatraris 38
When I had my colonoscopies I've had to take a "golytely" drink. tastes like shit and makes you shit. You wouldn't get a chance to see the food with how much you would be in the bathroom with that stuff.
MerrikBarbarian 9
They tell you to do a liquid fast for 3 days prior for your own good. If you cheat and have solid food it makes the golytely part far worse and causes much worse cramping
worldclassrager 41
Just walk out..
mameburgess 7
cruel.
bhou56 7
Well, at least your dad has a sense of humor. Hopefully after your colonoscopy you can indulge.
ashleyhalla 21
Awe what a jerk! Get him back for that OP :)
howardom 10
my dad just had a colonoscopy. the day before we weren't allowed to eat in front of him. poor guy. your dad is an ass
CHFSports 12
Sometimes family members can be such assholes (no pun intended).