Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML
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Top comments
lionheart822 13
Just order everything on the menu. They can't force you to eat it and its sweet revenge.
ghostanimal 8
Wow. My dad's done that to me before. You can always go after your colonoscopy. :)
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Comments (68)
livsterbug1 3
That sounds terrible! I hope the colonoscopy goes well! :)
poppyseed420 9
Maybe he'll make it up to you by taking you out after...?
Inked0803 12
Your dad is a grade A ********
tehdarkness 21
You sound young for a colonoscopy. I hope everything is ok.
Rylan1 7
That sounds so cruel
GoodLookingGeese 10
I hope you ordered colonoscopy with painkillers otherways it hurts like sh*t (literally)..
MerrikBarbarian 9
FYL op. I know how miserable that diet is and how hungry you feel at the end of it. I had colon cancer start at a very young age and get them every few years for life. The golytely part is the absolute ***** (literally), but trick I learned is buy a few cartons of lime apple juice. Drink as much of the golytely as you can as quick as you can, and take sips of the apple juice to wash the taste away when you can't stand it. Also take gravol before you start. Will help with the nausea from drinking that nasty stuff and filling your stomach with it. Oh and get unflavored always. Good luck on your scope op. I hope it comes back ok!
pdp_fml 21
Here in the US, we have to drink a gallon of electrolytes that cleanses your colon the night before. The drink tastes aweful and you poop every 15 minutes or so, while your ass feels like a hot iron is touching it every time you poop. Sorry that your father is a jerk.
Kkkdawg 27
Ugh, I am SO sorry, op. Recently I was very ill and was on a liquid diet for about 5 months. I had to sit and watch my family eat Christmas dinner. Then at my birthday party there was cake and pizza and I got to watch all my friends eat it. And every meal my parents made, they would tell me all about how delicious it was. Seriously, be VERY thankful you couldn't eat for only a few days.
girlbye23 15
My mom did something like that. I tried going vegetarian for a while and the one night she made steak -_-
ChibiChibi_fml 28
That's hardly the same thing. That's you choosing to not eat meat and then being annoyed because your family doesn't follow your life style choices. There would be no reason she shouldn't make steak for herself and the rest of her family/friend just because you happen to decide cut out meat.
MerrikBarbarian 9
I was younger than you when I went vegetarian. Instead of bitching about what my mom cooked I learned to cook my own meals. Instead of complaining, do something productive.
MissClass 11
wow... privileged much!