Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after fasting for 24 hours and drinking 2 buckets of laxatives, my doctor's office notified me that my colonoscopy had been cancelled. I'd just finished the prep by taking the fart pills, and now have the cleanest colon ever. A lot of time spent on the toilet that I’ll never get back though. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML
Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML
Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML
Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML
Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML
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Top comments
lionheart822 13
Just order everything on the menu. They can't force you to eat it and its sweet revenge.
ghostanimal 8
Wow. My dad's done that to me before. You can always go after your colonoscopy. :)
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Comments (68)
misscalimar 10
awh when you feel better you get yourself a great meal and eat it in front of him ;)
max_1000000 11
Your dad is an asshole
mario2012 18
I agree.
vipirius 18
You know there's a button for that right?
perdix 31
#14, that's the thing about colonoscopies -- the assholes get revealed!
alshygirl 14
Am I the only one who would eat the awesome food and just reschedule the colonoscopy?
martin8337 36
Yes.
gooddealjoe 7
Well I wouldn't want to go through a diet like that again so why would you? It's just one more day.
MissClass 11
well... in Canada, where we don't pay out of our asses for Healthcare, it cost 300$ to rechedule.... could you imagine how expensive it would be in te states?
thatnucca 36
Cold, but still doesn't beat the "I know you want this Nutella" Dad though...
MerrikBarbarian 9
Having experienced both nut allergies and needing colonoscopies every couple years for life- I'd pick Nutella dad over someone who rubs food in my face when I have been on a liquid diet for 3 days and feel like I'm starving.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Your dad seems like he has a handle on all the new torture techniques. The CIA can use a man like him.
DLS930 21
I would order the most expensive thing and then just sit there and smile
noelasis94 18
You could just make his meal miserable, if he's eating. No one said you had to take this shit with a smile.
milo22 3
why did you go?
ViviMage 40
Do not eat red or purple jello!! It will stain the colon wall and will make biopsies of that spot inaccurate or missed. You can have 7up (no cherry) during the purge. It helps.
perdix 31
You should discuss at the dinner table how your are essentially pissing out of your asshole, and you see necrotic chunks of dead intestine floating about. Bon appetit, everyone!