Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "But I just peed in that water." FML
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Please god no-one make the joke.
skittycat213 19
New rule: you shit in pool, you (or your parents depending on your age) get to help clean out pool or pay extra for cleaning services? Kinda going along the "break it-buy it" rule
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Comments (100)
joawmeens 7
Who won?
UnicornFarts 15
The kids all lost. If you shit yourself in a farting competition that is automatic grounds for a disqualification.
joawmeens 7
Come on, you're in a farting contest, and instead you poop yourself? That's a solid fart! .......... Yeah, I grossed myself out on that one, too...
abbruzzi67 15
Looks like you had a shitty day
jw90 18
This has to be one of the funniest FMLs I've read.
buckdharma 38
Buttwatch.
ileenefudge 29
They hurt themselves in their confusion.
queerchristian 5
Must be shitty
jamal617 5
damn your life is miserable
Ins0mau 20
I feel kinda bad for you. But, I work at a nursing home. I have to clean up tons of shit EVERY shift.
EffUrEll 8
Sorry but isn't it supposed to be "led" not "lead"? Good FML but that's driving me crazy.
ifailsobadly 18
That's what mine says o_O
kpc2424 13
I was a lifeguard... One word: BABY RUTH!!!!
fuckyourlifeOP 25
That's two words