Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "But I just peed in that water." FML
Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. I swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, a riot broke out while I was on shift at the community swimming pool. A family snuck in soap so they could use the pool as a giant bath tub. FML
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Top comments
CueTheMusic 22
Please god no-one make the joke.
skittycat213 19
New rule: you shit in pool, you (or your parents depending on your age) get to help clean out pool or pay extra for cleaning services? Kinda going along the "break it-buy it" rule
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Comments (100)
Lemonmonger 4
I would have forced my child to clean it up, or have cleaned it up myself. Not OP's kids, not their mess to clean either.
EpicSquishii 21
18- No. It doesn't. Shit jokes are what constitutes the basis of dirty humor. Nothing revolutionary about it.
dont_have_one 3
You have a shitty job
Sandsh8rk 36
STAHP
fml1365 30
Well, now it's your doody to clean it up.
LiterOfCola 16
The word dubious makes no sense in this context lol
ViviMage 40
Doody duty!! Actually, how does one fart on command? I'm a girl, I never learned!
kittykat1501 31
Push like you are pooping, I think
LittleGreenPaola 23
8 year old kids who still shit themselves... am I the only who finds this a little bit weird, and gross?
tehdarkness 21
Kids are so dumb.
StraightEdge325 11
This is what we call code brown.
rdenkewicz 11
It looks like he was right!