Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML
Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
Try doggy-style. Just don’t drool.
Wadlaen 24
Well, I'd take all the compliments I could get...😜
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Comments (4)
Wadlaen 24
Well, I'd take all the compliments I could get...😜
RichardPencil 32
Are we on repeat here? Just a few days ago, a guy said having big "parts" was not good for sex.
ahabsfan 17
Try doggy-style. Just don’t drool.