Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML
Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
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Top comments
Sebastian_NG 17
I have to stop reading fmls while eating
sirhobothesecond 3
clcbjj31- it means you're on your period.
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Comments (165)
PAKZILLA 0
LOL! **** YOUR LIFE INDEED.
KiddNYC1O 22
A triple is not bad, op.
iloveqts 8
I don't see this a big deal. If I was her, and you explained the situation, I'd simply say go wash up the we can get going then. No biggie!
cybermolly10 7
That's happened to me a couple of times with my armpits when I wear a new black shirt.
bubo_fml 11
I woulda slipped a pair of comedic "Groucho Marx" glasses & a googly eyes disguise over my "frilly willy"...Maybe then she'll be laughing hard enough to overlook the "lint dick."
fadingfaith 4
Haha. When I first read this I thought some fibers from your underwear got caught in the door knob..
Brooding99 15
How did it get on your knob, it's a sweater not a pair of underwear...
mdtdnb 7
Tell her it's part of the reconstruction for her vaginal ecosystem.
paschale 7
I woulda hit it
DownToTheWire 3
This would make a really good commercial..