Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML
Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sebastian_NG 17
I have to stop reading fmls while eating
sirhobothesecond 3
clcbjj31- it means you're on your period.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (165)
bubo_fml 11
Tell her if she cocoons your caterpillar, it'll turn into a beautiful butterfly...Girls love that kinda shit...
coolstorybro6969 6
Then tell her to make a sandwich, girls are good at that sorta thing
MineIsBigger 5
the fibers tearing only means that your underwear is too small or your dick is too big. im the same way, which is also why i never wear condoms. theyre too constricting!
bentleyGCspeed 0
Dude... We didn't need to know you wear schmedium underwear...
SirObvious 1
Or your dicks so small it's collecting fibers to look "bigger."
JadeWalker 14
thats what magnums or for duhhh
21jason 9
I'm fuzzy and I know it
melissafleming 7
gross. I wouldn't have sex with you either
JinxosGirl87 0
Did you ask her if she wanted to stroke the caterpillar?
kkmwong 11
That's a zoophilia fetish.
Airick_TheGreat 2
Tip: know more of that kind of underwear.
coolstorybro6969 6
You used the wrong "no", you've got know when to use "know" or "no"
Airick_TheGreat 2
Thanks I know what you mean
miZscrZee 0
That's why you don't buy cheap stuff!
AMB3AST 7
Great, you again. /: You aren't perfect, so stop trying. Buying cheap things isn't a bad thing, in some cases. It's called saving money. It's very needed nowadays.
Zomg_Okay 27
We aren't all fortunate enough to buy top-of-the-range products whenever we want, you know. :P
FriscoKidz 10
Right on 64! At least there are a few down to earth people on this website.
dubstep12 8
Stfu big chin.. :)
PB_without_J 3
Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no Hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very Fuzzy Was He?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Was he bare?
bubo_fml 11
Go grade school on her...Ask if she'd like 2 kiss a rabbit on the nose, if she says "yes" turn out your pockets & thrust your caterpillar Prick in her general direction!