Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took a peaceful walk through the park, and then sat on the grass. As I was enjoying the quiet, a dog appeared out of nowhere and decided my shoes were a chew toy. I spent 10 minutes trying to wrestle my shoes away from this dog, while its owner casually walked in the opposite direction. FML
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
Today, my dog was about to get hit by a tree branch, so I yelled for him to move. He got mad and started barking at me. And got nailed by the tree branch. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML
Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML
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Top comments
Gloritank 8
Were you pissin on his territory?
tylersign 11
Should have gotten off his damn lawn. Kids and their shenanigans these days.
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Comments (121)
every1luvsboners 11
I used the same excuse and was still charged with being a peeping tom. Although it was 2 am and the dog was inside his house and I was partially nude.
hoonyer 17
if it was possible to favorite comments this one would be on my list hahah
Corygerm 9
not funny, trying too hard.
MeGustaFace 0
Do you really talk like that or are you just trying to sound smart? Either way, it's annoying
goobergirlie 5
like yoda: "wounds, he intended on inflicting."
CloverFuchs 6
@31: Is it really so difficult for you to conceive that some might write differently than you? Probably so, as if you find this FML to be 'sounding smart' on purpose or difficult to read in any way, you might need to take some remedial English courses.
structuredchaoz 4
Report them immediately.
ForTheRavers 11
You almost don't make any sense...
hoonyer 17
haha this reminds me of a time where a giant rottweiler charged me out of a 2ft gap that had been left on a garage door, luckily he was tied to a water faucet, unluckily the rope was easily 20ft long :(
ArsenalFan12 0
this is an FML website. stop being so eloquent
RedPillSucks 33
You should report the dog to the authorities. Most places have regulations about keeping dogs on a leash. I've seen so many news reports of children or older people mauled by someones' dog that was roaming free.
crispy174 7
Damn nature you scary!
hannahcorrine 0
Not even an apology? Lol
WarriorSeaOtter 6
You should call the animal shelter and have them take the dog. And as they are taking the dog you laugh at him