Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
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Top comments
Theglc20 27
I would have just burned down the house
dudeutookhrs 24
No shame in that!
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Comments (29)
Jryan952015 7
I know this is stupid but the first thing that came across my mind was and you have been single for how long?
Destiny8745 29
To everyone saying that it's just a spider, you do know that arachnophobia is one of the most common phobias, right?
worldclassrager 41
She has balls of steel while you are a pussy...
roomfulloflegos 4
that's what I would've done
Sheepies123 6
Pussy its a freaking spider
S1N9UL4R17Y 8
You can't be a pussy your whole life.
punmaster 2
Your username makes it even funnier
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
burn the bed and the pillow to be safe
cpguru24 18
This is a YDI. HOWEVER I would have done the same thing! I had a room mate that had to kill all the spiders for me as I shreiked and involuntarily screamed his name. We are 2 dudes. Its always fun when my girlfriend is over and I scream for my friend to "HELP!!!! KILL IT!!!!!!"