Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for God knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowingly drove it around. FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Theglc20 27
I would have just burned down the house
dudeutookhrs 24
No shame in that!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (29)
limegreenpoopie 31
Lol kudos to your sister
chuka81 27
I understand that people love to be scared of spiders. But allowing your little sister to get rid of a possibly venomous spider, while you squealed in a corner, just makes you a selfish coward.
BreM16 23
How does that make him selfish? His sister obviously wasn't scared of spiders so she was just doing him a favor.
chuka81 27
I don't understand why people freak out about spiders, but I assume it's because they feel it's dangerous. if that's the case, what kind of person would allow a 10 year old kid to pick up something heshe considers too dangerous to handle by himself herself? Even if the kid shows no fear for the creature?
BreM16 23
It's not that they think it's dangerous, they just think they are creepy. If the 10 year old was fine with getting it, then it's fine. There's nothing wrong with it, they just have a fear of spiders. No need to be so judgmental.
Badkarma4u 17
Is this the part where I'm supposed to say something about burning the house down, and. then making it even more dramatic by mentioning using fire.
Enzymatically 14
I would scream and run myself dont worry I feel your pain!!
Dominus101 20
That's Super Creepy OP your sister deserves a medal for handling that, as a grown ass man I can say those eight legged freaks still scare most people
helptheorphans 17
It's just a spider -.-
scarlett3diaz 24
I have to do that for my step dad...
2C0OL4SCH0OL 17
Well damn anyone would be scared
robby_boss013 10
I'm scared shitless of spiders too, so I feel you on that one
Lalala579121 28
Your sister thought it was fake and tried to scare you with it.