Miscellaneous: Corny jokes - FML

Corny jokes

By embarrassed - 12/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

agreeclassic 51 356

vote type 1 12 710

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By Anonymous - 10/08/2015 00:37 - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

agreeclassic 25 829

vote type 1 2 561

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

agreeclassic 39 825

vote type 1 3 781

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/01/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

agreeclassic 52 199

vote type 1 7 699

Classic toddler moment

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML

agreeclassic 379

vote type 1 104

By Dammit... - 20/11/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

agreeclassic 29 274

vote type 1 3 695

Stars of CCTV

By Stfu lil brat smh - 26/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I spotted a lady who had the last of an item I wanted in her cart. She went off to the dressing room, so seeing my opportunity, I went and grabbed it from her cart, and put it in mine. I hadn't noticed her bratty-ass daughter next to the cart, who then yelled, “I saw that! Mommy! Some lady's stealing from your cart!” FML

agreeclassic 61

vote type 1 2 047

Unnecessary

By Ava K - 01/10/2019 16:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

agreeclassic 1 589

vote type 1 183

By woopwoop - 18/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

agreeclassic 58 237

vote type 1 10 899

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

agreeclassic 33 503

vote type 1 2 852

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 08:28 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML

agreeclassic 37 182

vote type 1 3 838

Next

TOP COMMENTS

MrGlad 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:44

Cool mom, lol. I wish my mom was like that...

Pb_lily 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:45

Oh get over yourself. Your mom is funny.

Comments

blumpkin69 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

thys what she told me :)

albinorhino 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

Fail

albinorhino 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

Fail

fml_is_so_funny 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

wow

Curtieeeez 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

Maybe don't hang around teenagers though if you're like, 40+.. Might be a bit.. suspicious. D: Asif it didn't reply to #19. FAIL.

lobby0ne 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

"thats what she said" jokes are getting very annoying, but OP your mom's cool!

speedracer123 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:57

awesome

irrelevantxx 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:58

All thanks to The Office. Hahaha

kyle_kbo20 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:58

how is this even a fml

flor1dagator7 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:59

Wow my mom probably doesn't even know the "Thats what she said" joke. You're lucky your mom is cool like that

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Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

agreeclassic 13 172

vote type 1 65 175

Today, my boyfriend said angrily that he should never have gotten together with me, that he should have known a woman with divorced parents would have daddy issues, and never be quite right in the head. His own parents are divorced by the way, and his mom is extremely overbearing. FML

agreeclassic 1 724

vote type 1 188

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

agreeclassic 57 059

vote type 1 6 562

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

agreeclassic 1 104

vote type 1 61

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

agreeclassic 28 966

vote type 1 2 377

Today, I found the birthday card my grandma had mailed. Apparently, it contained a gift of $100. Too bad it was in my mom's trash can, opened, with no money. She told my grandma it must have gotten lost in the mail. FML

agreeclassic 40 645

vote type 1 2 479