Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my fifth birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML
Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML
Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
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Top comments
suppressed08 2
Good times...Goood times...
Serec 0
ahem, I watch **** on my iPod all night.
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Comments (158)
omnimatty 0
poor Leo.
Jimboom 12
Great. Since she brought it up it's fair game. Go and tell all your relatives about the 10 in black rubber ***** you found in your mums closet... doesn't matter if it's true or not as even if she denies it. The damage will already be done. ;-)
mcrluverchick 9
win
Trollz4daLULZ 2
HAHA, I left the door open for that one. Nice. [edit: this was SUPPOSED to be a reply to #68. damned comment bug.]
krissytina 6
Haha yeah you kinda did.....I guess I'll take that win now ;)
Trollz4daLULZ 2
You can take the win back in the kitchen and make me a sammich!
krissytina 6
You got 2 hands, do it yourself. Oh shit, my bad I forgot your a guy (lack of brain cells) you couldn't make your own sandwhich if your life depended on it, so ok I'll go make you one right now so that way it gets done right the first time :P sorry I had to, I'm in a sarcastic mood today haha
roflinyourwaffle 0
you don't make one because you choose to. you make one because you have to.
krissytina 6
I would like to see you try and make me :P
roflinyourwaffle 0
you clearly volunteered before. no need for me to make you. yes? yes :)
krissytina 6
Ahh yes, good point
jumpinurpants 0
i watch **** too... I just don't get caught ;)
bluesclues72 0
today is my birthday!
kemolegend907 0
ydi for getting caught. I've never been caught , my parents don't even know I know too much about sex. they think I'm just an innocent 14 year old teenage boy... lol
monnanon 14
as opposed to a 14 year old middle aged man you mean? In my experience you can read up and watch things about sex as much as you like but sex is definitely a "learn by doing " activity. But you definitely shouldn't be learning by doing yet lol
duke_nukem_25299 0
like that previous FML?
monnanon 14
the one with the girl not knowing what balls are?? Well i suppose she was learning by doing hehe. What i meant was you can't know too much about sex just from reading books or watching **** cause each experience is unique. **** can only give you an idea of the basic mechanics.
roflinyourwaffle 0
77, your doing things in your imagination doesn't mean you can do it in real life. sometimes i like to imagine that i'm mewtwo and i just blow shit up. too bad i can't do that in real life; neither can you. please don't breed. thanks.
cstetchman 0
MEWTWO WAS THE SHIT BACK IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MAN !
roflinyourwaffle 0
correction: mewtwo IS the shit EVEN NOW.
doomgiver5 0
proves you aren't gay.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Wait, so you're saying that YOU are a sammich?! [edit: damned comment bug pwned me AGAIN. this was SUPPOSED to be to #87. ARGH.]
krissytina 6
Uhhhh yeah sure...why not, I like sandwhiches :)
ijustreadem 0
well, ur definitely not a kid anymore haha
soccerXOchick4 0
can you say rj burger?