Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
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Top comments
cjwayy 22
Yikes. Not sure if he thinks the sex was really that bad, or if he's just an asshole.
Wilffe56 9
Well.... perhaps this is an eye opener. Find someone new or try something new. OP if your boyfriend doesn't like what you try then make him dress up.
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Comments (86)
Baileybro21 4
Maybe your boyfriend thinks the sex is bad because he has such a small dick, considering he shoved three fourths of it into his personality.
reaxion 25
Yup, your man is an unappreciative asshat. He should have made more effort since you already went to great lengths to be a bit kinky.
pizza_derivery 5
Maybe he was just hinting at a lawyer and client role play for the next time. Otherwise yeah he's just an ass
Dt33345 13
Man is he a fuckface. Completely offtopic now, awesome it's a person from Bosnia and Herzegovina on here!
myhamhat 3
Funniest guy getting no sex... By the way this is a brilliant website, cleverly moderated (I can tell that some really dumb illiterate submissions have been given the common witty dry spin by the moderators), but the comments are stooooPID. Most completely miss the inherent black humour and irony of the submission, and even worse most are dopey helpful hints thus completely missing the point. This humour (yeah not humor) is not about seeking reassurance, support, or helpful hints, it is about coping with gallows wit. Oh never mind. No-one is going to read this anyway.
NamelessFace 22
...This is a website about complaining about your shitty life. Of course you're looking for sympathy. Sure, it's amusing, but someone actually had to deal with it and probably isn't amused. (Oh, and if you're going to tell us that saying humor instead of humour is wrong, then maybe you shouldn't also hyphenate "no one". It's not hyphenated no matter what country you're in.)
ladybugz23 13
what a jerk! If I were you I will dump him for sure.
yowpow 6
That was a really good joke
_purepxrcelain_ 6
if he's gonna act that selfish & rude maybe no sex altogether, ********.
rebelkidjen 4
that really sucks. he seems like a dick.
MidnightStone 3
You could dump him. If you're not happy.