Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
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Top comments
cjwayy 22
Yikes. Not sure if he thinks the sex was really that bad, or if he's just an asshole.
Wilffe56 9
Well.... perhaps this is an eye opener. Find someone new or try something new. OP if your boyfriend doesn't like what you try then make him dress up.
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Comments (86)
EazyE1131 2
This is why females use vibraters
QuaSiCos 10
There is always a way to tactfully express your disappointment in something someone says or does. Or just point at both your feet and say " this is lightning and this is thunder get ready to get an ass whooping". :)
Axel5238 29
FYL OP, I'd say this is a pretty good sign of things to come if you guys continue dating. Guys that think this stuff is "funny" don't all of a sudden grow up or change they use the humor as a disguise for how immature they are or a reason to be a dick but then say "it's a joke lighten up.". You see that stuff on FML and plenty of other sites.
catanita 18
The joke was pretty funny but the fact that he left for a drink without you is not ok. Next time you do the same to him and see what he feels about it.
worldclassrager 41
It's not really that hard for you to be good...did you go and get a drink as well?
enginsteve 17
Perhaps you just need a second opinion? Call my office.
notmyrealname123 16
HA!
more4me 27
What a jerk ! Tell him if the sex was bad , he is 50% at fault! At least you made an effort to try something different for his enjoyment and all he can do is make a joke and leave? Jackass !
osteobabe 13
From now on you should be the kind of nurse who routinely takes blood.
OrangeDoge25 9
Love how if a girl did this everyone says it's OP's fault but now that a guy does he's just an asshole
limabeans101029 21
I'm pretty sure the comments would be the same. Why does everything always have to turn into a gender-related argument?
albertozeta_fml 9
Even if the sex was bad he had to appreciate your effort, OP, so FML for you, and asshole for him.