Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
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Top comments
cjwayy 22
Yikes. Not sure if he thinks the sex was really that bad, or if he's just an asshole.
Wilffe56 9
Well.... perhaps this is an eye opener. Find someone new or try something new. OP if your boyfriend doesn't like what you try then make him dress up.
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Comments (86)
vikky538 29
did get his insurance card before he leaves...
sartrow 8
holy, that was wrong on sooo many levels, but then again, he didn't just turn into a moron, I'm sure he has been like that as long as you've known him, so it's your own fault if you continue to let him walk ALL over you!
Omniprism 15
Um if he thinks it was so bad then he can help improve it. Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
ladybugz23 13
hell yes...new boyfriend
dabomb0513 10
The bf may be an ass, but OP will try to make amends next time. Pro strategy vs younger ladies.
shine999 12
Well then you should've helped him kick his ass outta there.
MissColey711 7
he's cheating
rachangie 19
This is absolutely ridiculous! Just because he didn't enjoy sex means he's cheating? No, maybe he's not actually into role play but tried it for her. And maybe he made the asshole joke because he didn't know how to communicate him not liking it in a constructive way. I'm not saying that what he did was okay by any means, but accusing him of cheating when you don't know him is ******* ridiculous.
_purepxrcelain_ 6
#62, nice accusation there, detective jackass..
ironhead_fml 20
Next time role play a judge and HANG his Johnson!
imslappy 8
op I will take you since he is a ass about you.. love for a woman to dress up in bed...
lazyslumber 18
I appreciate your effort and creativity towards the relationship OP. If your boyfriend too puts in that effort it would be a fun ride for you both. Sorry for you. FYL.
AquaManatee 8
It is a funny joke.