Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
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Top comments
ultraslick 0
once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.
mrfflrp 0
omg. more like f his life!
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Comments (241)
cheeter 0
Well in my gym class we were talking about circumcision and it turned out only 2 people weren't circumcised. I know the ups and downs of it and I support circumcision (if its free anyways.)
Raytestrak 3
It's his own fault for buying pants with zippers ...
dhall005 0
I think your about the nicest girlfriend a guy could have
summer66_fml 0
that must have been an interesting story for the nurses.......fhl tho.....
doof_fisch 2
Any difference in circumcising a baby or having the baby's ears pierced? Either way you're "disfiguring" the child against his/her will. I'm circumcised. I don't remember it happening. I don't regret it. Very few people have seen my dick, but if a child's ears are pierced, everyone can see that.....so which one risks the greater "trauma"?
AntiChrist7 0
only a BJ will do, you don't have to do anything special
Chocolate_Chunk 2
so, you're comparing a hole in the ear lobe to an operation which removes half of the feelings of your penis? that's ****** up. And oh, you don't remember it so it's fine? Would it also be fine to amputate a hand of a baby because it will not remember the operation?
love_the_fame 0
you dirty, evil evil girl
666HailSatan666 0
Lol @ all of the 10% off faggots on this website.
Psodium 0
And she also thinks Jaws it's about a shark throwing people out of its mouth :-DDD
jadakorn 0
Epic fail!!!!!