Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
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Top comments
ultraslick 0
once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.
mrfflrp 0
omg. more like f his life!
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Comments (241)
Ejigantor 0
OP - You rock; you did something awesome, and in the aftermath there was a mishap, which is unfortunate, but it'll be ok. And because I want to chime in on the circumcision conversation, my parents had no specific preference on it; They heard a child screaming in pain, and asked what was going on - the nurse told them, 'oh, that boy was just circumsized, and it's ok, he wont remember the pain later," Then they asked the doctor if there were any medical advantages from the procedure, and he told them no, it's cosmetic, and saves about 5 seconds in daily hygene. So my parents decided against it, and I'm glad they did.
Dreamsoul_28 0
Geeze, least you tried. & if he's still with you after that bs, you did something right.
hushmyurgetocry 0
haha oh jeez, i got secondhand emberassment from reading that! lmao
aclockworkapple 0
I'm a little confused...wouldn't a reasonably-functional pair of underpants prevent that from happening? Or was the cloth tangled in there too?
chris81589 0
As if keeping the foreskin on really changes the amount of pleasure you get from sex. That's the only exaggerated point uncircumcised guys have to make themselves feel better about all the girls screaming and running when they see their ugly trouser snake.
grassweed324 0
ay if it was a good bj i wouldnt mind
Rekabeck 7
You wouldn't mind? I'm a girl and even I think that the pain of foreskin caught in a zipper would far outweigh the tired pleasure achieved post-****** whether the BJ was good or not.
shat_on 0
I say YDI. But you're an awesome girlfriend. So it balances out.
car6435 0
**** his life
mattz_fml 0
HDI for being uncut.