Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ultraslick 0
once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.
mrfflrp 0
omg. more like f his life!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (241)
satanicminnow1 1
LOL! Good one bro!
HARD67 0
wow! i feel so sorry for the both of you lol but he cant be that mad at you, i mean he should be happy that he has such a great loving caring gf like u :)
Alexifish 0
holy shit - you are a terrible, terrible person! lol
djmurph316 0
that happened to me once, my friend told me to XYZ and i zipped it up just a little too quickly.......that was two months ago...theres still a mark...
RedWriter 0
I think circumcised vs. uncircumcised is just a matter of preference, for both guys and girls. I prefer circumcised but that's just me.....is there any reason to FREAK OUT AND SCREAM about it? Whatever you have, fine. Have it with pride. Whatever you like, fine. Like it with pride. No need for a battle of man parts.
AudreyKHepburn 0
You deserved it, kinky.
Waabishkii_ikwe 0
Oh man...anyone else reminded of the countless cut v. uncut wars on /b/? Personally, I enjoy my men with whole, unmutilated penises.
stray94 0
i think you need to stay away from **** if this is the result lmao
kitkatkelly 0
YDI for trying to copy ****. That shit ain't real!
Gotz_No_Love 1
F his life