Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML
Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML
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Top comments
Loony_fml 4
This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.
tukker 0
Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.
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Comments (142)
jmeg_fml 0
haha, aw. if i were the girl i would be torn between feeling bad for you and being disgusted. i mean, unless your accent was awesome, it'd be kind of obvious. so much more useful: den här javel betalar för allting. (hoping i remember this right... haha) :)
ragamuffin42 12
trust no one
Light_Ty 0
Wow, everyone is blaming the guy for being dumb for asking a "friend" to help him, when really, the "friend" is the jackass. I would break is nose after that "hilarious" joke
HBubble 3
Your friend deserves a twatting
senorchipotle 0
Awesome, just awesome.
4dakill 0
Swedish chicks are EASSSYY
m88 0
hahahaha, så korkat. man ska inte lita på sånt! ;) roligt att läsa saker som handlar om sverige och svenskar dock :D
xElise_fml 0
I'm norwegian, and I agree 100%. Never EVER trust Scandinavians. ...unless they have cake.
Pytt 0
I just have one answer to #64: Håll käften, du har aldrig träffat en svensk tjej och gör du det så skulle hon aldrig ha den dåliga smaken att ligga med en kukskalle som dig. :)
Saxit 0
#48 - It's really cheap and easy to get an internet connection in Sweden, and most people here speak English. Also, unless someone has practiced the language for several years they will never get it right and it will sound like crap. Swedish girls are not abroad to find Swedish boys, they could do that at home, so I'd suggest that you just flirt with the girl in your own language.