Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML
Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Loony_fml 4
This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.
tukker 0
Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (142)
justmyluck11 0
haha thats a classic
dvs01 0
'Lines' to 'impress' a girl? Come on, are you 12 or something? YDI You told her your feelings? Something like you liking her? Right after you met her? YDI. Don't tell a girl you like her until after you had sex with her. Otherwise you'll sound just like every other guy, especially if she's attractive.
confizzled 0
Ahahaaa. Google translate man, Its your new best friend ;)
faceplantation 2
LOL..,would be so embarrassing...
varkey 7
epic win for your friend u shoudl have made sure first though
emilexd 0
youre friend is ******* funny
DominiqueBr 0
My hovercraft is full of eels. Do you want to go back to my place and bouncy-bouncy?
likeabaws 0
this us why we have google translater ;)
Albarufus 13
Mohaha fan va bra! That's a good swede!
Notimetobleed 14
only do not trust the ones from Sweden am I right? :)