Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML
Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML
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Top comments
Loony_fml 4
This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.
tukker 0
Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.
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Comments (142)
jncwmnd 0
lol #27, that pollo frito post made me LMAO. I don't know a lot of spanish, but I sure know enough to know pollo means chicken never trust friends ^_^ hahahha! ydi
anonymous_user 0
you couldnt hav looked it up online just to make sure?
lmmmr 0
Totally deserve it.
Nakedsquirrel 5
Kukjävel! Oh, and pollo frito to this FML =P
romeovilleanyone 0
thats soo hot... would love for u to use a line like that on me babaaay! haha
Southbark 1
But even if they were the right lines, how would you know what she responds with, or what to say after that? (Unless she speaks English, in which case you shoulda just spoke English to her...)
AmyBeth 0
Umm yeah there is such thing as online translators and i would have checked them first! ydi
NoMercy_fml 0
If I was chick; that's all you would need to say to get me out of my pants. But maybe I'm just easy
shmaller 0
Marry me?
jnic 0
Why would you make an effort to introduce yourself to someone in their first language when you know they can EASILY speak your language and it would be a lot less awkward and confusing? That's kind of condescending.
ohhhhshizzz 0
Because it's nicer? A lot of people can learn English, but it takes a lot to atleast attempt to learn some parts of a language. Duh?
chea_chea 0
Should have double checked what he told you on the internet before saying it. Those are the kind of set-ups you can see from a mile away. But like 41 said, if she speaks english, why not talk to her in english? Even if it was something nice, she'd likely try and carry on a conversation in swedish and you'd end up looking dumb and ruin the whole idea (which was kinda crappy to begin with, sorry :P )