Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML
Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML
Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML
Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML
Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML
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Top comments
Loony_fml 4
This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.
tukker 0
Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.
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Comments (142)
ArielTheMermaid 17
Shoulda used Google.
vippipippi 16
Never use Swedish to make an inpression.. American people talking Swedish sounds silly, not cute at all :(
Absolute2011 4
Lmao omg that would be embarrassing
GDIalex 11
It's like once when we were in Egypt with my parents, there was this nice waiter in the hotel restaurant, and he was always so sweet to everybody... When he found out that we are Russian, he decided to show us his knowledge of our language and next time we entered the restaurant he greeted us in Russian, saying something like "I'm ******* tired to see you here everyday, yes, you, *******. Oooh you just piss me off!" with a broad smile and a welcoming gesture. Luckily my little sister wasn't there at the moment, but we laughed really hard at this. And no, we didn't tell him he was wrong. Moreover, he had been greeting Russian tourists with this phrase for over 2 years already, and he said it so genuinely nice everytime, and no one has ever explained him the rudeness of the phrase. The only thing he knew is that everyone always laughs when he says it, but he just assumed it's because of his funny accent or something.
SugarSpunSister 8
Julian? Is that you!
Austin4488 5
Ooh u got punk'd
nerovetsrethca 20
Aw never trust a friend for translates for a girl. Pity about the girl can't your friend explain?
fearthefire16 6
two words....... Google translate
cwl727 33
You really didn't see that one coming?
AwkwardBookworm 27
Yeah...you should probably double check any translations you get from him in the future, better luck next time OP.