Today, I was outside at a café when I looked at my phone. As I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML
Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML
Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML
Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
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Top comments
fuzz97 23
Paranoia is a hell of a thing
challan 19
That's one too many espressos
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Comments (130)
debbster7 18
Well somebody is bipolar...
3rdbass 9
Swing and a miss.
gc327072 31
Actually, since her deal is with cellphones, I'd say she's Motorolar.
hryffff 11
She sounds crazy you should have been like you don't have the right to yell at me and just walked away or something like that....
DocBastard 40
Holy run-on sentence, Batman! Can't some altruistic person please donate this person some punctuation??
SumBur 11
Here, take some of this! .:"". And for your future endeavors: .,,':;""(),!?
Snowkeys 11
I don't understand the need to correct grammar on the Internet. Become a teacher if that is what really gets you off.
SumBur 11
No correction was made. Tools were simply provided.
natalalaliee 9
Someone's paranoid..
fuzz97 23
Thank you for being the third person to post this
Lioness8197 18
#14, ya don't say!
rfvyhn 14
It's time to wear wristwatch.
ihaveasushicat 24
In a way this sorta makes me think that it was set up. Someone was secretly recording this so see people's reactions. I think I've been watching too many YouTube videos.
Enslaved 38
"You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you!"
vadaaa 11
I always hated that song- she's telling them "you probably think this song is about you" and then says "youre so vain". THE SONG IS CLEARLY ABOUT THAT PERSON! It has haunted me for years.
alwayswinning123 7
Someone's got anger issues
perdix 31
Time to start spreading rumors about what a dirty ***** she is.
fuzz97 23
but that would just prove her point you silly goose
leadawg75 12
Perdix, a silly goose? Take a gander at his previous comments. He is a full blown quack.
theamazingone_12 7
you should have said I don't have to answer your question and proceeded to check the time
SatinsNightmares 17
Maybe you looked like her ex boyfriend lol