Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML
Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, my loneliness pushed me to buy a pack of cigarettes just so I had to show my ID to the clerk, hoping he would wish me a happy birthday. I don't even smoke and he didn't say anything. FML
Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack, and a wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, I picked up a carton of cigarettes for my stepfather from the store. He smokes the equivalent of nearly half my paycheck a fortnight. FML
Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Buy him an awesome vibrator
Evilbear 16
give him tampons and pink nail polish
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Comments (76)
zingline89 18
Buy him an awesome vibrator
Conn3ct 9
He might just use it.
Pleonasm 36
He'd probably try to smoke it. On the other hand that could be a better substitute than the patch or the gum.
Welshite 40
#13: You know this from experience? Actually, don't answer that.
RoboCunnilingus 23
You and #13 are filthy, filthy men.
Pleonasm 36
I've never had the displeasure of inhaling neither smoke nor dick, no, but I heard that having other oral habits helps sate the nicotine craving.
ILoveMyArm 15
Though, one might end up with a sex addiction like that. Either way, they are screwed. No pun intended.
jules_winfield 4
42 Addictions in general are pretty much "bad." I do agree that a sex addiction isn't the worst thing ever, though.
ILoveMyArm 15
I never said they were bad, now did I? I just meant that in trying to take away one addiction you are getting another, you know, as a joke. Though I do agree with 43, all addictions are, to some extent, bad.
jules_winfield 4
Haha, heard that
RedPillSucks 33
It's the side effects of sex addiction that's bad. Ask Tiger Woods about the dent on the back sides of his head or the fact that he lost half his net worth.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Psh.. Tiger Woods is not a sex addict. Don't you remember that South Park episode? People play around with the word addiction a lot, it just means they have no will power. Anyone can get addicted to something, but the ones who turn into fiends have absolutely no inner strength. I for one, have no pity for those people either.
ballpython 15
Seriously? That is your comment?
ballpython 15
That comment was for #13 btw.
Rddvl 11
Are the cigarettes better than what he got you the first and second year?
TheDrifter 24
Maybe they're symbolic and he's giving up smoking? Just didn't get a chance to explain his present before he had to flee for his life?
NinjaBunny026 16
Oh yes, that makes a lot of bloody sense: "I'm gonna give up smoking. In order to do that, I'll have to gift my wife another pack of cigarettes for our anniversary" And have you ever considered the possibility him simply forgetting to buy an actual present and just ending up giving her his pack of cigarettes to avoid the embarrassment of not having a gift?
Darren22 12
selfish prick sry op
FlyingLeumer 19
Well how terribly inconsiderate of him. I think you and he need to sit down and set his priorities straight.
sarahmb98 8
Make sure not to let him have the cigarettes, give them to another friend of yours who smokes but isn't as rude and selfish as him!
Evilbear 16
give him tampons and pink nail polish
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Tampons are not for girls, they're for boys' bloody noses; he would find them extremely useful seeing as what he deserves is a good ol' punch in the face.
Alihb 16
Ummmm.... no. Tampons are for girls.
Slawter16 24
34, you do realise that 14 was being sarcastic, right?
IdaE 17
50, I don't think anybody understands sarcasm anymore... It's quite sad really
NinjaBunny026 16
#34, no shit sherlock
LexSwift 17
Buy him a cute dress and some sexy heels for his birthday. ;)
jnanderson 16
You don't know what he's into
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. Don't act surprised when he looks good in them.
hallix 21
Just say, "Thanks - how did you know?" Then proceed to take them, dump em, and enjoy his confusion.
thatnucca 36
Damn, for the first time I'll gladly use the phrase "You deserve better"...
Conn3ct 9
Stuff the pack down his throat.