Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML
Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML
Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
Tell her your girlfriend must have left them there, she will forget all about the smokes.
tomisbetterthanu 0
YDI for smoking
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Comments (50)
me5 0
Who are you trying to fool?
abberz 0
I don't get it .. ?
dangletsbang21 0
sounds like your in deep shit :)
xxreikoxx 31
Kudos for quitting; maybe your wife will understand that you perhaps hid them behind the toilet with the intention on flushing them down the toilet? She may even help you along in the quitting progress, too. For those who thought he deserved it, you're all idiots. Give the guy some credit for leaving them at home rather than at work. No, he shouldn't have hid his smoking from his wife, but it's in the past. Get over it.
StaticDown 0
Just say a friend from work was trying to quit and you took his cigs to help, you wanted to throw them in the trash but didn't cause the pack was full and had no clue what to do with it, hence how it ended up there in the first place.
iSnipeFatPeople 18
Because lying to your wife again will certainly help the situation.
xxreikoxx 31
For #12, consider it a good thing that you don't, for your sake.
dangletsbang21 0
the other part of mine didn't show, just explain to her, she's your wife she is suppose to understand.
LemonStarship 5
Looks like you were a tad late
NatzSwifey 0
you're a grown married man, why the hell do you feel the need to hide anything??? especially from your wife?
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
now do you have to hide the bruises?