Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.
Aoife 0
Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]
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Comments (246)
athos1237 4
YDI for being male, owning a cat and stupid enough to shower with the stupid thing.
moony13_fml 0
I've done the same thing, but my cat didn't attack me. Better luck next time? :( Sorry you're hurting.
rach_magoo 0
See, you'd have my sympathies if I knew beforehand that you were mentally retarded.
Tsukasa_fml 0
Yeah. Here's an animal that FREAKS THE HELL OUT when exposed to water, that has very sharp claws and teeth. Let's bring it into the shower! You're definitely one of the biggest idiots I've ever heard of.
capthavoc123 0
That's what you get for trying to **** your cat in the shower.
popatia 0
don't cats clean themselves o.O
SizeMayVary 0
hahaha thats funny.. personally i dont like hairy pussy but hey whatever floats your boat bro!
SizeMayVary 0
i agree with you #136 is retarded.
Lisasimpsonfan 0
YDI for not watching more TV. They did this story on Nurse Jackie this past season.
thedragonreign 0
yo bra, can't be puttin your cat with your ****... bad combo, cats and dogs