Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.
Aoife 0
Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]
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Comments (246)
lordmoe 0
PROBLEM: MOST CATS HATE WATER, OR BEING FORCED INTO WATER plus any cat owner of a cat with claws knows THEY SCRATCH, and to be naked while giving a cat a shower is f***ing retarded
lordmoe 0
Maybe he should become a food and/or labor source(with no pay)...
eyeheart87 0
Epic fail
rachel_95 0
for all the people who say clean a cat with a garden hose, you are idiots. they will run away and get dirt stuck on them that way. to all the people who say never bathe a cat, you are also idiots. if you don't wash your cat once in a while, it will smell like the inside of its mouth. don't wash a cat without holding its paws. use logic people!
Flagband09 0
total agreement with #214
Joeltebo 2
WTF cleen your cook god dam
thejanesky 0
what was the cat doing around your area anyhow? tryna get some pussy on your dick? HA!
haha_lmao_rofl 0
Now u know why I fear wet pussy. lmao fail dude. just NO.
beach_bum91 0
Dude, cats suck. Why do you have one?
Railynn_daisuki 0
YDI for not thinking that cats do not like water and will scratch their way to Narnia to get away from it. I was thinking about washing my kitten while I was showering but then I realized that she likes to cling onto people with her sharp claws so I just washed her in the tub by herself.