Today, I was walking up to girlfriend's house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic, I surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and I watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML
Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom was over on the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said, "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML
Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML
Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
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Top comments
mylifesucks_alot 0
I sympathize. I'm a girl. I'm straight. However, I have the football-catching abilities of a sack of flour. Throwing is something I am even worse at. I feel bad for you because her scary father is probably going to get a whole lot scarier after this instance :(
Soak 0
You must have scored some brownie points with that =)
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Comments (106)
LittleMissMack 0
You should have told him to teach his wife to catch better. Anddddd I hope you can run better than you can throw.
PTB 0
HAHAHA...that blows
pgray18 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
i can throw.. u cant.. loser.. wat kind of guy cant throw a ball..
Misanthropist 0
Either yell "touchdown!" and throw your arms up, or blow your imaginary whistle and yell "pass interferance!", then run.
lifesucks3597 0
wow this post wasn't all the funny but #8 seriously made me laugh out loud. Anyways man not everybody is athletic. Don't worry about it. I'm sure there are things you can do that the "marine corp dad" would suck at. Just laugh it off and say oops!
Sure_Thing 0
How does a football "spiral wildly to the left"? I mean, I'm no Heisman winner, but doesn't a spiral make the throw straight and predictable? Also, wives of terrifying marine corps guys should have already learned to be more alert around the house.
Shadic 0
You can't throw a football? Not to judge, but that's something most people should be able to do.
Kitten125 0
#18: He's not exactly a pro football player, I'm pretty sure he has no idea what a spiral means and so... used that word to describe it's flipping as it slammed his GF's mother in the face...... Hahahahaha. Don't play football. ;3
sailing 0
So are you an unathletic guy, or an unathletic female? If it's the latter, the whole incident is pretty funny. If it's the former, it's still funny, but if I was the father I wouldn't let a wimp like you date my daughter!
fail_truck 0
Props to #8. Seriously though, if a guy can't catch or throw a football halfway decently, then he's too much of a nerd. I'm a girl and can throw and catch it pretty well. Stop playing Warcraft and play some sports with friends, even if you suck.