Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom was over on the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said, "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML
Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML
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Top comments
sorcerersinger 0
I would expect that from a father. usually moms want their daughters to get married and whatnot.
Apple_Scented 0
Wow that's a scary mom xD gl to your future bf
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Comments (217)
Apple_Scented 0
Wow that's a scary mom xD gl to your future bf
kayztastic 0
dude. that is totally my mom. she's threaten cops on my boyfriends. "if you put her in that car, I'm calling the cops". it's embarrassing. we broke up shortly after.
sorcerersinger 0
you forgot to put FML at the end.
kayztastic 0
lol me?
dudeitsdanny 10
It reminded me of the movie Carrie..
reiyu 0
she's gonna get 2 homeruns on those balls if he doesn't get outta there quick!
xlostwithoutu 0
Ur mom sounds evil. If I were that guy I would look right at you and walk away. Haha but I'm a girl...
AngryNinja 1
ahhhh my god. that is /so/ my parents. both of them love embarrassing me. x(
Secret_Fire_King 0
I couldn't take the mum seriously.. Maybe I'd run over to grab myself a baseball bat, just in case.. but OP, I can only suggest getting a new mum, maybe..
comatoast 0
if the OP is only 13-14 and the "cute guy" was in his late 20s to 30s, it's perfectly understandable. if not, mom's just psychotic.
kitty_f 3
I think the fml is implied here :p
bleedinginside 0
somebody is over protective........... and is any of this sht true I mean WTF do u wright sht like this?????!
Sionnach 10
"Today, after I ran off this lout trying to get his filthy paws all over my daughter, the ungrateful little bitch took the bat out of my hands and swung at me. FML" ;) Seriously, your mom sounds like an awful tool. FYL
toni27 0
haha how old are you???
Crush89 0
you need a mom like that.
Badgers523 0
lol totally
liz1908 0
Hahaha
wooow_sucks_for_ 0
104, what the hell??? it's this humbling of English I hate.
iSitt 0
scary time to be a parent these days
ImaginaryFoe 1
Not enough information. Are you 12 and the guy 30? Was he the town drunk? Your mom's ex? There has to be more to this story.
fisher04444 0
no she didn't retard
Reyo 2
The kid's a pussy. All he had was do was tell her that she'd better kill him or he's going to buy a brand new Corvette with her money.
Donish1786 0
What is wrong with that crazy trick?
coldblood 4
# 80 you cant buy new moms if you havent noticed
spoooner 0
remined me of that too!! HI5 except i read the book i haven't seenthe film
sucks4Udude 3
"Today, I was hanging out at the store when I saw a cute girl near her mom. I went over to flirt, and the mom grabbed a bat off the shelf and threatened to beat the shit out of me. I didn't get a date. fml." but seriously, fyl
StevTaal4158 0
No fml needed!
Atmaster 3
lol read one identical only thing said golf club
580JOHN623 0
Oh boohoo. Your mother q cares about you. It's the end of the world isn't it?
MiGman 5
op I've had a dates dad sit there loading a shotgun as I came into the door to pick the girl up
thorscope 0
my dates dad was cleaning a tippmann txp marker when I came to pick her up. I was like you into paintball? and he was like damn most of the guys don't know this is a marker not a gun. We have got along great after that.
Pball11 0
Haha poor guy I'd run too.
moneypenny_fml 0
twat swated by your mom!
Justin714 1
lmao #24 so true
sorcerersinger 0
I would expect that from a father. usually moms want their daughters to get married and whatnot.
Tripout 0
agreed
9010649 3
yea totally a father trait
Piklink 0
Yeah you're right, normally it's the fathers who are overprotective.
Conker37224 0
maybe the mother's the father and the father's the mother.
majones 0
or maybe the mother is the mother and the father is the father and the third party is the third party. hmm
summerloolooloo 0
Cool mom.
garuru 4
i was scared what was i supposed to do i actually did shit myself
Tripout 0
roflmfao
matau32 0
Keroro Gunso? :D
paramedix 0
your Mom is fierce. poor boy
canesul 0
that's odd
blackirish44 0
That's just good parenting.
xlostwithoutu 0
No it's just shitty parenting
wooow_sucks_for_ 0
how is that bad parenting? it's better to not have a boyfriend then to get knocked up right? she is smart
kallielou 10
They were talking, not about to have sex :| OP's mom is just...a bitch :P
matau32 0
Get yo hands off my daughter! lmao
XDNurse 0
lmfao!!
ringmybell_fml 0
not necessarily.
paintrain 0
shit, some one PMS's, tell ur mom to chill her balls
applesmoothiee 2
I would not tell that to my mom if she was that crazy Lol imagine the death certificate: killed while telling her mom to chill her balls