Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML
Today, someone let my puppy escape. I didn't know, until I arrived home and hit him with my car. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML
Today, my dog ran away. Luckily my neighbors caught him before he got too far. Now they won't give him back because they think I did something to him to make him want to run away. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
amelinat 0
The crazy woman needs professional help - call the police, get your dog back and get her sectioned.
curious_missy 1
FML for the getting back of puppies!!! UNITE!!!!
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Comments (215)
Hadley_fml 0
There are only a few things that are absolutely off-limits no matter what, and messing with someone's pet and vehicle are two of them. That bitch needs some street justice, preferably the kind that involves several broken bones. Glad to hear you got your dog back, though.
foolinwho_05 0
AHHAHA holy shit. lolll...good luck dudee!
bigrederin 0
And then you call the cops. Dumbass.
hanamama 0
Call da PoPo, hoe!
Zic_fml 7
well at least now you finally HAVE to wash the damn Skip!
marris 0
If this were true, you'd have a dog right now and she'd be in jail
jixan 0
just out of curiosity, do you know what religion she was? :)
jumi_fml 0
i'm sure he got the message of calling the cops. if you didnt, you're an idiot. some girls can cross lines, i can admit that even as a girl. i've heard WAAAY too many stories like this.
khipo4 0
Do what Chris Brown did on that BITCH...
scarredforlife 0
She kidnapped your dog? that b*tch is crazy!