Today, my husband received a package in the mail containing a bottle of billiard ball cleaner for our pool table. Yes, billiard ball cleaner. I can't get that slovenly wretch to clean a toilet to save his life, but now he's determined to have the shiniest balls on the block. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, I found a strange brown ball while emptying my husband's underwear from the dryer, more like a marble-sized pellet. It was exactly what it sounds like: a ball of shit. FML
Today, my husband decided to be helpful and do all the laundry, including pre-treating all the stains. He felt that Clorox Clean-Up with Bleach would be the most effective. FML
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML
Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML
Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML
Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML
Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML
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Top comments
wayfarer912 0
Maybe you can give him the bluest balls On the block too???
jay_south 19
Today I learned billiard ball cleaner is a thing.
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Comments (16)
jay_south 19
Today I learned billiard ball cleaner is a thing.
wayfarer912 0
Maybe you can give him the bluest balls On the block too???
RichardPencil 32
Those would be the 2 and the 10, I believe.
monyluv1 13
Hahahahahahahaha Jeezus! I just made everyone around my desk give me the weirdest look for laughing too damn hard at that!!!!!
imsofuxxed 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You probably should shine his balls more often and he'd do more for you.
LyricaSilvan 30
Of course there'd be the one dipstick who makes this kind of comment... Listen here, Captain 50s. Nobody should have to shine anybody's anything in exchange for basic human decency. When you share a house with someone, it's common courtesy to do your fair share of the housework. You don't get to ask for something in return, let alone sexual favors. So please take your outdated bs point of view and shove it.
WeirdUS 30
Don't mind him likelihood is he complains about being friend zoned and how he's such a nice guy. If he has someone chances are they have no clue about the garbage they post.
CBL88 25
Tell him that those will be the only polished balls in the house, unless he gets off his lasy ass and helps you clean your home.
RichardPencil 32
I've never heard of using billiard ball cleaner to get my balls shiny. I hope it works better than shaving.
reconscout84 6
Maybe as his wife you should find out why he is spending so much time with his billiard table. Sometimes there is an underlying cause. Just my two cents.
Thor1012 28
well your two cents sucks
jcash52426 5
It sound like he's acting like a child so you need treat home like one. Take away his billiard balls until he starts doing his part.
ElusiveMee 6
Get on that table and show him there's another use for it (insert bad pool joke about balls, pockets and cues here).
rustybucket 24
I love how this FML is worded! I laughed so hard after reading this. Sorry your husband is more interested in his balls than his living space :/
stormy0307 16
Everyone is suggesting taking things from him or deny him sex. That's petty and will only perpetuate the cycle. I would suggest actually talking to him about it and don't just verbally attack him. Lead an open level discussion and I can almost guarantee he will respond positively to it.