Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
Today, I visited my mom and siblings. While I went to the bathroom, my younger brother somehow unlocked my iPhone, opened my Twitter app, and sent my parents links to every post in my Bookmarks. Every single one. FML
Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML
Today, I got on my computer and saw my little brother had left his myspace page up with a message between him and his friend. They were talking about a plan to basically humiliate me in any way possible. It was called "Operation: Fat Cow." FML
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML
Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
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Top comments
mpkpm 19
Hah, I'd say watch your back if your brother wasn't hilarious. Good on him.
zoepie 7
Why the **** were you looking?
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Comments (118)
mpkpm 19
Hah, I'd say watch your back if your brother wasn't hilarious. Good on him.
142_cats 13
This was a trap perfectly placed and set off. I love OP's brother.
poopsi 19
Yeah, being an artist people tend to look in my sketchbook when I'm not looking and without permission, so I always draw something mentally scarring like two unicorns and a pug humping or something of that sort to scare away unwanted eyes. Good for your brother for doing something similar.. Nosy people are extremely obnoxious.
zoepie 7
Why the **** were you looking?
TrollingHaters 9
Because He Wanted To find Porno On.His Laptop
HersheySquirts 17
Nope, she was trying to blackmail him and had her head spun instead.
revan546 24
Look behind you... Too late you're dead
red225 14
Damn it..I was too late
AnOriginalName 19
Thanks. I just got killed while taking a shit because I wasn't quick enough to look behind me.
vegas_jose 18
You should know by now to be on guard while in the bathroom! Did zombie land teach you nothing??
bsmith2012 6
love that movie :-)
permaband_usr 14
Rule #3 bro...rule #3
derpina15 26
Well why were you snooping through his computer?
ShadowWhovian 14
And that, dear readers, is why you never piss off a potential author. You just might end up being the victim of a cruel and unusual death.
Nilorak 24
Run, Forrest run!
Kamon97 23
Curiosity killed the OP :p
snugglesMcGee199 23
Satisfaction brought OP back! :P
maggiefox 25
He's hilarious
persianninja 23
he's a genius!
ThomasBombadil 31
He so set you up and you took the bait. Hook, line and sinker.
StompinOnCrayons 15
You better start getting rid of the fingerprints on the keyboard and mouse, just back away and pretend it never happened.