Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a creepy stalker blog dedicated to some minor celebrity from the '80s that I’ve never heard of. When I asked him about it, he accused me of spying on his private life, even though the blog is there on the internet for anyone to read, and stormed out. FML
Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML
Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML
Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML
Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML
Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML
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Top comments
Epikouros 32
I hope you like gardening!
GeeUnit 8
That's just oddly disturbing..
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Comments (340)
KnightAngela1109 10
Oh my I don't if you should take it as a compliment or run away...Good luck though
Tali147 16
I would suggest running away. That sounds like the beginnings of a psychopath. Are "breeding hips" a good thing to have? I have never heard this expression.
Boygenius50 8
getting a strong Dwight Schrute vibe from this...
haycassidy 7
Take it as a compliment, OP! He's chosen you to birth his children! I would be honored.
a88g 0
RUN AWAY
realSlimjimShady 7
RUN, Just run!
Mariebaz 11
Run. Run, Forrest, run! Speaking of "Forrests..." Nevermind, I'm barking up the wrong tree.
monicadempsy 5
Be happy while running for your life!
MischievousV 8
Chosen to birth his children? That isn't a compliment. That's a creepy saying... You shouldn't go with any man like that. If you don't love him, run. Run and never look back.
simonsaysYDI 8
30 - Well it sorta makes sense... chicks have wider hips for babies and all. Doesn't make it less creepy though =P
babe7260 30
FAST
Life_sucks_13 6
Yea I agree RUUUN!!!
thatswhatsup15 6
Birthing hips means that a girls hips are wider than others witch makes it easier to give birth
foreverhurt 6
Someone likes gardening...
onlychildFTW 34
Maybe she should stop being groomed by him. That's just very very creepy of him. Time for a talk about what's okay to write about.
luckyd880 12
Get on birth control. Now. Before he plants baby's breath in you.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Am I the only one reminded of the movie Species II? I'm terrified of this man.
bieberfreak18 0
someone has some explaining to do...
auzz1_pride 9
Am I the only one that thought of the nanny when seeing this post?
kushsmokee 0
I think he needs more than some explaining...
lindora 35
You know, I've noticed recently that there are a lot of weird boyfriend fmls coming from Alberta. (I'm just noticing this because I'm albertan).
SkoomaKi 28
I would be scared to talk to him about that. If your relationship is worth saving, in your eyes, go for it.
Tswift0806 3
I don't know, I think her breeding hips might be more worth saving...
ICastillo 25
Well better get them breeding hips ready for his breeding stick haha
lonkite101 14
Ok... Tmi
GracesDelirium 9
Seeing as you're 13....get off FML. RIGHT. THE HELL. NOW.
clarissasyima 7
No need to be rude.
auzz1_pride 9
134) I'm sorry if I sound like a dick, but last time I checked there was no age limit for this site. And you are quite the role model for a 13 year old kid, good job
JurassicHole 5
Sounds like a great guy to me...you should be happy! Some people go there whole lives without ever having someone that into them.
b0ngs 7
Their* its creepy to be honest. And by the sound of it, OP isnt too keen about it.
thisisafunnyname 12
11, OP's boyfriend isn't really "into" OP yet, if you know what I mean.
SecretMe00 5
I'm with you 11. I think it's hot for a guy to be that obsessed and into his love. It's romantic.
chellyX92 8
I never really thought of people who make their spouses love them and then openly speak about breeding with their spouse as romantic. I guess what ever floats your boat, your crazy boat.
KMFiredancer 0
Now we can have vampire babies that eat us from the inside while our sparkly boyfriends make us so insecure we can't possibly leave... Sounds like a good time
thgiL 9
Odd analogy lol
SloppyFlamingo 4
I don't think it was an analogy...? Or is it just me thinking that?
shinshoku13 19
Is his name jack by any chance?
icallbullshit 3
You know, a lot of people would love to be in your position.
Rachel8843 6
Aww! That's kinda creepy :$
gctynan 2
Stay away from Niall!
SkoomaKi 28
Both of you. One Direction are terrible, stop being desperate and go out with a boy you actually have a chance with!