Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML
Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML
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Top comments
myoukei 31
Your mom definitely needs the yoga more than you do OP!
RavesAndWrists 8
Okay, your mom sounds like a ******* crazy person.
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Comments (101)
tonyfan00 38
*bing! Coo-Coo!*
ShadowlessSpear 21
Maybe if you stop worshipping Satan she'll trust you.
Corvo_Attano_4 12
Yoga is actually the complete opposite. It's spiritual and calming so it's really weird that your mom would think it's some evil ritual.
scary_mama 4
Bull.
dawanjony 18
Agree with ur mother coz i r dum
marcus369 9
Yallz b stupid
killerdana 19
Both of your comments gave me a headache
christian1509 21
That just sounds like an excuse for her laziness
23lf 16
If she thinks yoga is satanic, how will she feel about meditating? If she likes it, she'll release some of that pent up anger.
1two3four5six 23
She probably thinks anything outside of her religion is satanic. I know some Christians like that.
Brandi_Faith 34
I don't think it's as much that anything outside her religion is satanic, as much as yoga and meditation are originally a religious practice from Hinduism/Buddhism; which is the issue. I don't think she realizes that meditation and yoga are now used as a way to decompress; I think she still thinks it is a form of religious ceremony for anyone that does it.
tj4234 36
Funny thing is is that meditation and prayer are actually really similar in how they work. I mean obviously meditation is not prayer, but prayer is a form of meditation. Jesus even teaches meditation in the Bible.
creativityisnt 19
Namaste= a summon for the devil? I think not.
GentlemanBastard 15
Namaste= HAIL THE DARKLORD BEELZEBUB! or... Something like "peace be with your soul". I can't remember.
RollingCakes 21
I'm pretty sure the literal translation is just "I bow to you"
syed121417 22
Actually, namaste literally means 'hello' in Hindu. It's just a greeting. @#37, I think with 'peace be upon your soul', you're thinking of the Muslim greeting, Asalam Alykum (sorry I've never seen it spelt in English) which means 'May peace be upon you'
syed121417 22
In Hindi* sorry.
cjwayy 22
Your mother sounds like my grandma on my mom's side. Crazy and beyond help. I don't know your situation, but you may be better off without her :/
ahippienamedrae 10
Downward facing dog is the best way to summon Satan, after all.
jphill2012 11
namaste away from crazy town