Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
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Top comments
mmmPoptarts 6
That's only if you're still fertile
jackson41 4
Good thing guys constantly generate new sperm! Lol girls don't generate new "eggs" ever, so if they get damages they literally damage their future children. Nerd moment srry :P
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Comments (107)
DevilBoi69x 0
Happened to me before. Not fun
truehitman2010 0
ydi for not getting a mexican to do it
xIBleedPurplex16 0
Maybe that's a sign?...
hateevryone 15
Shoot, you may not even have future children now.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
That last part made me laugh so hard i cryed... Haha
iBiteRoses 22
When I read "landscaping my backyard," I instantly thought "bikini wax"
doglover569 0
Your children will come out with black eyes.
Tempest559 12
Now you'll hire an immigrant to do your gardening
jayhawkchik 4
YDI for smoking in the first place!
fatman1970 25
It might help if you commented on the right FML, you berk!
bowser_rawr16 13
I'm sorry OP. You made me laugh hysterically though :) I'm sure your future children will be fine after awhile