Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weed-whacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgot that I was mowing where the dogs take dumps, I absentmindedly whacked over dog poop… which got flung into my face. FML
Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
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Top comments
mmmPoptarts 6
That's only if you're still fertile
jackson41 4
Good thing guys constantly generate new sperm! Lol girls don't generate new "eggs" ever, so if they get damages they literally damage their future children. Nerd moment srry :P
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Comments (107)
mycheese 0
Ouch....... I think you'll be fine
SortOfSexy 4
Sperm can file for child abuse?
kkillaj 5
Yes they can and eggs can also file for divorce when the woman is pregnant if the sperm doesn't meet the eggs wants... Smh
Pandacupcakelove 26
When it comes to this, I am so happy to be female ^^ we have our "weak spots" too though :/ oh well, I'll always love being female even though a bunch of crap comes with it ^^
yoursucklives 36
My boyfriend always punches me in the ****. But it's still better than getting punched in the nuts, I guess. So I'm always happy to be a woman, I can deal with the shit that comes with it.
Pandacupcakelove 26
28- me too! I mean, yeah there's the period, women have to give birth and all that, but i can totally live with that cause there's so much good to being a girl! Many boys will never feel the joy of shopping like us girls ^^
yoursucklives 36
Shopping is really no reason why i like being a woman. I do all my clothesshopping online, because I don't like running around for hours and finding nothing.
Shadow_Blues 10
Kinda wish my mom was like you. This is why I grew to hate shopping with my parents as a kid, we'd walk for about three hours in the mall and come out with squat sometimes. Grah. xD
Pandacupcakelove 26
Well I love it ^^ didn't mean to speak for all girls or anything.
PrincessPesa 20
Apparently childbirth is the second most painful thing in the world- the first is being burned alive. Fun fact! But really, you let your boyfriends punch you in the ****? What is that about?! Let's go shopping and talk about it. I ******* love shopping. Yay women!
Pandacupcakelove 26
That's the spirit! :D
siickman 7
Tit punching increases cancer... So i heard... :o
Pandacupcakelove 26
There you go, 28! He's just trying to help! X)
sincerelyjay 13
Yes. It does! Because damaging the breast tissue causes it to rejuvenate itself. But, if it happens too often, the cells can grow back in correctly causing cancer. Same as cheek biting! So to all those cheek-biters and "punching bags": you're hurting yourself!
XxMoonShadowxX 0
yea **** freagen hurt though, i want to know why girls are the ones crossing their legs though??? haha sorry curious moment
Blueglasscup 18
Anyone else read this the wrong way and think he was talking about landscaping his man parts?
sillycart 9
Uh no. Just you.
ycrem0n 21
18 - so, backyard = groin area ; weed = pubic hair and pulling "weed" will make you punch your nuts? genius
chili10 18
You're not alone. When he first said "landscaping" that's what I thought he meant. Haha
paschale 7
Me too!
itsharkley 8
Ugly Face Y U gusta?!
Kraft92 8
Ouch, I feel your pain OP. I was helping plant plants with my dad before and wasn't paying attention and stepped on a shovel. I was called " Stooge" for forever after that.
perdix 31
Sadly, you most likely won't affect your fertility long-term just from a single nut-punch. Sad for the human race, that is, because you are probably going to weigh us down with idiot kids.
missalkali 8
yes, cuz only idiots weed their gardens.
XxMoonShadowxX 0
i am currently really annoyed with people being so corrective i don't care if you are right... and another paradox is people saying the future people will kill us.. therefore destroying themselves from time but then we would still be alive so then they could kill us and so on im gonna shut up cause im now speaking jibberish lol
tara805 0
Ouch..
HSOMGF 5
And here you are, talking about this on the Internet. Save yourself further embarrassment and don't breed.
Krulin 8
How about you get a goddamn life.
japtch 15
Quack quack.
Michael_92 20
Why is it a problem he said it online? Isn't that what this site is for?
mikeymayhem_87 15
And here you are, making the duck face on the Internet. Save yourself further embarrassment and don't do it. You look stupid.
tara805 0
#77 awesome comeback
Ruffclue 9
Survival of the fittest. I bet ur strongest swimmers translocated to a safer place when they felt the initial shockwave frm ramming of weed onto ur balls. So i guess its a good thing.
compasseagle89 8
so you were tugging it and hit yourself in the nuts? what an awful turn of events...