Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML
Today, my husband was sick so we ordered out and watched a baseball game. He dozed while I did chores and listened. Near the end of the game, I sat down with my phone to look at pics of the protests. He told me to put my phone down. He was furious. I "don't respect him" and I "make him feel small in our marriage." FML
Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML
Today, my husband ended an argument with, "Do you want to know why people don't like being around you?" FML
Today, my husband threw a tantrum and, in a blind rage, admitted to having an affair with his co-worker. All because the Cowboys are not making it to the SuperBowl. FML
Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML
Today, my husband got angry at me, only because I addressed him by his own name. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Today, I asked my husband to talk and he got the most tired and “Here we go again” look and then asked what he’d done wrong this time. Apparently, I get mad at him so often that now every time we talk, he immediately assumes he did something wrong. I think I’m a horrible wife. FML
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Top comments
Cinn_fml 23
If he really believes you're not talking about the football, then either you should reassure him that he does know what he's doing, or take the opportunity to teach him to be better.
rottentomatoes 7
ehm..
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Comments (118)
530boy 0
lol his pee pee don't work!
c420racer 13
Call him an idiot then do a biopsy on his dick to see why it doesn't work.
Schizomaniac 24
8, you're stupid.
imright24 0
#8, that doesn't even make sense.
imright24 0
#8, that doesn't even make sense.
mustardcat 1
guess he couldn't make it to home base on time eh
sourgirl101 29
Dammit 33! That's a baseball term. Get your sports right! Illegal motion Defensive holding First Down Fumble the Ball Roughing the Passer ARE READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!! Hell ya I am!!!!!
sarah48_fml 0
personally, I don't think he "fails." I'm a die-heart cowboys fan as well. last nights game was beyond frustrating. I was pissed. if someone said that to me I would be pretty upset too (even though it is true.) he may be acting a little extreme but he definitely does not fail.
sundayporch 2
You do realise that the husband thought his wife was talking about his performance in bed, right?
sourgirl101 29
I got so excited- I forgot the "YOU" And it's ALL about the "U" University of Miami that is! (I know we lost the last game) Dont make me cry):
sourgirl101 29
I got so excited- I forgot the "YOU" And it's ALL about the "U" University of Miami that is! (I know we lost the last game) Dont make me cry):
__ShAd0w__ 0
cowboys ftw
sourgirl101 29
Not last night. Cowboy's Offensive Coordinator sucks! Once they get that promblem fixed... then watch out! Go Dallas!
WiseGuy79 14
I can tell 43 really loves her football lol And if OP was talking about the Cowboys last night she was bang on Too many ******* penalties!
Jessi2487 0
im no scientist but im guessing OPs husband fumbled in the home plate
Tasanasanta 0
56- That is awfull! There is no fumbling in baseball and nor is there a home plate in football. Your comment made me cry inside :(
KarinaLizeth18 5
58 ~ She did say she was no scientist, lol. xD
EmmyGrangerDC 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry. That was funny.
acccccccc 1
cowboys suck!!! any one remember the cowboys vikings play off game last year? garbage!!!!!!!! *waits patiently for a dumb saints fan to comment*
KingDingALing 9
66- Shut up. Cowboys don't suck. The Vikings are really good, you can't say they aren't.
acccccccc 1
ahhh take a joke :P
acccccccc 1
ahh take a joke :P
KingDingALing 9
I was so pissed off cuz of the game last night... As a matter of fact, I'm still pissed off! >:(
MattBC97 4
yep cowboys suck.
acccccccc 1
dont worry :/ ive been pissed all year about the vikings saints last year :/ i cant get over it!!!
widder 0
daaaaammmmnnn. look-a-thoze tittyyyys
widder 0
(44)
Jessi2487 0
58 i didnt mean to make u cry inside but 59 is right i said im no scientist. btw i like ur pic.... so thats what happens when someone actually thinks? it never happens to me :(
caliangel 0
Haha!! That was awesome!!! Romo, TD pass to Roy Williams in the last seconds of the game!!! Celebration in the end zone!!! Wait...wait... holding!!!! Cowboys lose!!! LMFAO!!!
bobateme 0
lol Dallas did suck :D
maybeurbaby 0
wtf?
alwayspharming 0
#44 I believe it's die-hard, not die heart...ydi
mrahhhhh 21
wow that sucks yay first!
530boy 0
noooooope!
Annihilator 0
☆*:..(Failure).｡.:*☆
mrahhhhh 21
Sorry I have the iPod touch app, fml can't update as fast and I can't edit my comments; I'm not first :(. At least I'm first in the fml directly above this one in the recents list and second here :). Sorry for the FIRST I just have always wanted to be first like 95% of the people here.
530boy 0
I didn't know being first was a cool thing lol
EmmyGrangerDC 0
Hahaha I have the iTouch app too. I've never been first. I'm waiting for the perfect time to strike.... >.< :P
KarinaLizeth18 5
I was first once too, but I posted my first comment on an FML that had to do with obama. so all the trolls flocked to that FML because of the political relation and practically bagged on me. >:/ they told me so many hurtful things D; lmao! so make sure that you don't simply say "first" because that's what I did ;( or else people will murder you with words!! :O
mshooter 0
Lol. Where I live I know the exact time when Fmylife updates to new FML's.
jetco89 0
as long as he got his jollys why would he care if u thought it was lame.
starile 20
You probably suck in bed, 3. Your gf (if you have one, which I doubt) is likely not very happy with you.
bean_dip21 0
This isn't all that bad, he got to watch his game, and have a lame performance with you.
rottentomatoes 7
ehm..
YupImBack 0
Dumbass comment #1 and FAIL at # 2. But it's kinda funny OP. He'll get over it though
FantasticFin 0
your attractive...
Cinn_fml 23
If he really believes you're not talking about the football, then either you should reassure him that he does know what he's doing, or take the opportunity to teach him to be better.
Doopliss01 0
Hahahahaha well in his defense woman doesn't watch that many football as man do
omgmorganomg 0
..And you didn't get as many grammar lessons as others did?
OneHottBaby 1
^
I_have_no_clue 0
Spoken like a true caveman.
bachooka 5
obviously he didn't think it was good either or you frequently call sex a lame-ass performance. fhl if it's the second one.
Lulu714 0
FML for looking at ur picture
Tasanasanta 0
20- You're an ass-face
BigRed764 2
20 you dont even have a pic of yourself
Schizomaniac 24
20, it's funny that you ridicule someone else for their appearance, and yet, you don't have a picture of yourself posted. Are you an... insecure little bitch? I think so!!!! :D
Annihilator 0
31, 40, 42, agreed!
GMS1 7
lmao #20 ftw! abc to the op one answer will solve EVERYTHING....BJ
SmallTownCutie 0
20- you are quite an unatractive puppy. I don't think you have room to be judging this women. Her face isn't nearly as uneven as yours.
bradleylkeller 0
you must have been watching the Iowa-Iowa State game!!! Lol
sarah2144 14
**** yeah Iowa! I'm an Iowa fan though. That was a good game. Better than this year's...
Jennifra 0
Ya he has some issues. Have you complained about bedroom performance before?